I'm Nearly 40 and Still a Child in Struggles with Addiction & Depression

No journal updates lately personal or private but I have refocused on my schoolwork. My first piece of writing since I stopped really going at it full speed was a little clunky, awkward and very cliché but I wrote it, dammit.

I called my father about my shitty brother and told him what I heard of what he did. Someone had to break it to him that his middle son grew up to be a piece of shit. Unfortunately that’s definitely going to piss my brother off but I’ve made peace with the fact that we are enemies and he may very well be the reason I leave this world, one way or another.

I expect the fallout to come down in time. Maybe suddenly today when he storms into the office in a fury and armed to the teeth. Maybe later down the line when he is arrested for something awful or god forbid he hurts that woman and her children. I wish I had anything on him to report, but I’m also not a snitch.

Especially not now.

My uncle was a firefighter. I looked up to that man. I had so much respect for him. The report from my levelheaded brother who was on the scene puts him working on a quick sweep through the room to clear all the evidence of drugs and violence before security arrives as my asshole brother screamed about how he had to hit her because he’s a man and he’s not going to take her bullshit anymore.

My uncle who I’ve always known to be a noble gentle soul protected his kin when an injured, helpless person was in front of him clear as day, clearly victimized by that same kinsman.

I just don’t understand the world of these “adults” who raised me at all.