When you’re a solid 45 mins into you’re therapy appt... in Self-Improvement, 2018

And you notice the huge “Happy Birthday” balloon floating above the table right behind your therapist for the first time. And you’re mid-sentence and you stop what you’re saying and say “is it your birthday? I legit just noticed the balloon that’s been there the whole time.” And on the inside you’re like “shhhhhht didn’t pass that awareness test”. She of course said it belonged to the other therapist she shares an office with. Right. Everything supposedly just happens to belong to this other therapist. Anything to normalize the awkward moment. I spend a lot of time staring at the ground in session, which is how I missed it.

She brought up religion for the first time because of what hubby said when he was there. Thank you hubby sooo much for that. I told her I don’t care what others believe in, I’ve just personally had bad experiences with it and it really isn’t my thing. She thinks it would be good for me to give it another try.

Ugh. And you can’t argue because the counter argument would be “you’re not even willing to try?”

Did I write in here that I got a one-bedroom apartment for the dog and myself but we can’t move in until the 17th of this month? I legit don’t remember what I’ve written about in here. I told her this and told her I was very happy about this and it was the most freeing I’ve felt in a long time and she said “you don’t sound excited” and I said “until I have the keys in my head, I don’t believe it’s actually going to happen. I’m waiting for a bomb to drop because I’ve been feeling like I’ve been living on eggshells for so long.”

She also wanted me to “consider” upping my calorie-intake for self-care purposes.

She also told me I’d be entering the rebound stage and she thinks for me that the rebound stage will last for six months (!). She gave me the best lesbian sex-ed talk I’ve ever been given and since I’ve never been given “the talk” for hetero OR homosexual experiences, that’s really saying something. I know.

Basically she told me to behave myself. It’s like she knows me or something.

I see her again a month from now. I’ll be all moved in and have filed for divorce by then. I don’t want to file until I’m out of here because unstable husband emotions and my flight response.

Time for bed. I may write more tomorrow