time to unwind in 2017

4:03pm

I am currently sitting at the office killing time. We’re not open or anything but I had to write a rent check and take care of some other stuff before we leave.

I probably should be at home taking a nap. I’m going to be so exhausted and I bet this week is not going to bring me much sleep. Even when you’re on vacation you don’t tend to rest much. The people I’m with usually wake up way earlier than I do anyway. Why am I always surrounded by morning people? I don’t get it. Where are all the night owls?? I can get twenty times more things done in the early afternoon than I can in the morning. Like the days when I wake up slowly, crawl out of bed to grab some coffee, and then sit around enjoying every sip - those are my most productive days. No one else realizes it though because all they see is the super late start I got. Oh well. I know I get things done. That’s all that matters. :)

There basically isn’t going to be any sleep tonight. We have to leave here at something like 2am to get to the airport in time [our plane leaves after 6am], which means I’ll need to be up getting ready around 1am. Kinda pointless to go to bed if I have to be up at that time. I know I won’t sleep much anyway.

I’m thinking maybe I can get an afternoon nap in though. Put something boring on the TV and sleep on the couch, or crawl into bed and set the ocean sounds on the clock. I might be able to hear the actual ocean soon though!! =D We’ll see how the napping goes. In the end I probably won’t sleep at all and then I’ll be cranky.

That’s what I need to do! Set a plan to control my bad attitude if I don’t get enough sleep. I’m not very good at sleeping in the plane so that probably won’t help much. Maybe I’ll take a nap once we get there in the afternoon. I need to make sure to keep my mind occupied and check myself whenever I start to snap at people. Self-control and full awareness Rose!

I’m still not done packing. Most of my stuff is folded up in the spare room so I basically just have to put it into the suitcase. But then I realized that I didn’t separate out any shirts. What, like I think I’m going to live in my swimsuit top or something? hah. Silly girl. That’s probably all that’s left though. Once we leave here and head back home I’ll start to put everything in order. I don’t want to be doing things in the middle of the night as per our usual custom. Hopefully I’ll get it all taken care of before it even gets dark and then I’ll chill on the couch.

The weather out there’s not actually supposed to be the best. Thunderstorms all week from what I could tell. Although I’m sure thunderstorms are a daily occurrence this time of year. As long as I still see some sunshine and can lounge on the sand, that’s good enough for me.

I am excited to have a vacation like this. I so hope I can go in the ocean! I don’t think I’ve swam in the ocean since we went to Hawaii when I was like 12. I need this. This is exactly the kind of vacation that can set me right again. I need to relax and completely unwind. To refocus my world on what really matters. I think this trip is coming at just the right moment. The precise instance that I need it the most. My expectations are probably a little high but as long as there’s sun, sand, water, swimming, food, and drinks I think I’ll survive. God I hope it’s good! I’m so looking forward to getting myself back to my happy place. I want to feel the kind of joy that can only take place inside your soul!

Fingers crossed it turns out the way I hope. Or at least even remotely near what I hope!

Things with the client have been interesting. We’ve still continued to talk but only on fb. I never responded to that text he sent and he called me out on it the other night. I told him I saw it but that I was a terrible person with the awful habit of checking and then not going back to reply. I reminded him about my previous warnings and told him I knew I was letting my generation down. haha.

He seemed ok with it. I know he wants to make the transition but I just don’t want to text. I don’t want to get attached to my phone like that again. Even if he’s not someone I’m totally into I know I’ll still want to see the message as soon as it comes in. This way, with it being online, I have to be on the computer to see it and I don’t stare at it like a lost puppy.

Oh, that reminds me, I won’t have access to any technology out there on the trip. I’m pretty sure I’m leaving the laptop behind and my phone doesn’t have coverage so it’ll be off. A week without the internet? How will I survive!? haha. ;) I don’t want to draw attention to myself with the laptop and possibly have it stolen. It’s the same reason I’m not bringing a bunch of jewelry or camera equipment. And I need to remember not to pack my Police K-9 unit t-shirts. ha. I’m not saying this place is bad but why risk it? Why catch some crazy guy’s attention and make him think you’re some little rich white girl? This is where I’m actually at a disadvantage with my light skin. ha. Oh well though. My family’s going to be there and they know their way around. I’m not all that worried about it. Plus, if they do kidnap me…well they’re a bunch of suckers because I barely have a penny to my name and my family has even less. haha. Good luck to them.

Anyway, yeah, the client and I: it might be fun to find a way to transition this to an actual friendship but I don’t know how to do that at the moment. He’s nice enough to talk to but I don’t know how badly I want to sit around with him in person. We’ll see. I’m not sure anything will happen in the next couple of months. I’m going to be pretty busy and then I’ll start work full-time. Maybe by the end of the season we’ll have connected enough to start getting together on the outside. I could use a new friend! Either that or he’ll realize how I basically disappear during the season and he’ll think I’m a major flake and get tired of waiting. I don’t know. That first season with someone is always the strangest.

I’ve noticed that a lot of things lately have been leading me to the sheriff. Like subtle little things pointing me towards the valley where he lives. I’m not going to read too much into it, but it’s interesting to see how it keeps popping up. Like an old email from the airport that isn’t even near the valley and yet at the bottom had an ad for visiting the area. Or a new one from the grocery store that talked about that area even though it’s 200 miles away. It’s just random little articles, or mentions, or signs. I don’t know.

I think that there’s a pretty good chance that I’ll make a trip out there before the end of the year. The more I research and read the more excited I get about visiting. [and it’s kinda cool to recognize and learn about all the places he’s mentioned] There’s so much to do. So much more than I ever even imagined. Just this week I was discovering so many new things. I always sorta had this vision of the place in my head and it turns out that it’s very possible I misjudged it based on stereotypes and stories.

My dilemma comes from trying to decide whether or not I’ll reach out to him. I really want to. I mean, I can’t help it. When plans are finalized I want to send him a little note saying “hey I’m gonna be in town if you’re free” or go to a place he recommended and tell him how good it was.
But then I feel stupid. I know he’s going to say I’m not bothering him, and he doesn’t mind the contact, and he’s happy to hear from me. The thought of it alone makes me a little anxious though simply because I hate the idea of chasing him. I shouldn’t have to chase him damnit! -_-

I guess I shouldn’t worry about something that isn’t even happening yet. I know this! It’s just hard not to think about. If I do go I’m pretty sure I will end up saying something just because I can’t help myself, but maybe I’ll do it after I’m gone. Who knows. I’m not sure if we’ll ever be anything more than we are, and I think that’s ok, I still wouldn’t mind being friends though. We’ve gotten along so well and he’s clearly been in my life for a reason. We have a ton in common and that’s the kind of guy that I wouldn’t even second guess spending a few hours with.

Now why guys like that don’t come looking for me, I have no idea! hah.

I still haven’t taken a nap and I should probably try to work one in. This couch is feeling mighty comfortable. I’m trying to keep the nerves at bay. I haven’t flown internationally since before I can remember. It’ll be fine though. I need to relax and go with the flow and try my best to enjoy every moment.

Wish me luck =)

rose.
9:11pm