November 15th, 2011 in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

I have felt so warm and cozy lately. Sure, it made be the Wild Blue 8% alcohol beer I have been drinking all night, but I really believe it is where I am in life. I have been so far away from everything I knew and everyone I have grown to love that I have been able to fully appreciate life on my own and make my own decisions and goals. Meeting Dave has been such a blessing, and I really don't know where I'd be without him. Probably camping out in 30 degree weather in tents at Occupy with Garrett and all the other brave souls. But I am thankful I have him in my life, and I am thankful I am still able to be true to myself. Sure I struggle a lot with money issues and the fact that I work at such a horrible corporation. I feel like a hypocrite at times because I hate huge corporations, yet I find myself at one 5 out of 7 days of the week for a paycheck. The way I try to look at it is, hey, at least I am taking some money from them by giving them my "labor". Most of the time I value my hours away from that place and spend my time doing productive tasks. I do feel like a lazy recluse a lot of the time because I wish I had the energy and time to put in more effort towards my community. To do more productive things, etc. But I also know being in school next year will change that. I am trying to be slightly more productive with my time by creating things be it food or art. I have been obsessed with Pinterest ever since that girl Allison who recently got married posted a few things she made after seeing it on that site. It is a great site and has helped me feel not so lazy! I have learned a lot of things I wish I had known before in the craft year, like what Mod Podge is and how to properly use Matte Medium and Gloss Gel. I've also been in the kitchen baking and cooking all kinds of things I learned off of recipes I found on that site. I'm currently working on an art journal and I am pretty proud of how it is turning out! I tried creating an art journal earlier this year and could not emotionally or mentally connect to it and ended up hating it, but now I feel more involved and like my work is actually flowing. I have missed the creative side of life and I'm glad this website has sparked that for me again. I'm also glad I don't suck too bad at cooking and at least Dave is happy at the fun meals I've been making every night. Last night we tried this delicious ham and cheese bake on Hawaiian rolls, they were seriously so good! And tonight I made a roasted vegetable dish and some cornbread so I am waiting for him to get off work and I hope he likes it! I had a good talk with my grandma tonight and she is going to send me a book about things to know before getting married, she says to not take it to literally and to just get some ideas out of it. I am excited to read it. I am also excited to get married! Only a few more months! I keep seeing children everywhere and I am praying to a god I don't believe in that I don't get the itch to ever have children. I know I said I'd never get married and here I am getting married. What if the same thing happens with having kids? I really REALLY don't want them and they are much more permanent than marriage so I get freaked out. I try not to think about it too much though, at least I don't want them now and don't see me wanting them any time in the future. I just want to finish my education and live a happy, successful life with Dave and have animals to replace any "want" for babies.