September 4th, 2011 (Bad influences) in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

I've never really had positive influencing friends. Flash back to 2nd great. Brittany P. and I were "BFF". She lived on Evergreen, which I would later recognize as my hangout when high school came around. Evergreen was the place to score drugs, drink lots of booze, and hide from the cops. Of course I didn't know this yet, I was only 7. Our favorite game to play was "Bad Girls". We'd hide in the bushes and find sticks to pretend were cigarettes and we'd act badass and get into all sorts of "mischief". Our friendship was short lived. I lived in the blue and white condos, as they were known around town. I had some neighborhood friends, all girls a couple years younger than me. But we were brats. We'd talk shit to other kids and it was a constant "who is the coolest" competition. Who had the coolest toys? The coolest parents? The coolest fashion? I never won these petty competitions. But it made me view friendships as one big competition. Well, friendships with girls at least. By junior high I met a group of girls that were constantly trying to be popular. They'd brag that they sat next to the most popular girl on campus, and she herself complimented on their wardrobe. It also didn't help that all of these girls lived in mansions in the heights. Yeah, I still lived in the blue and white condos. The "competition" grew even worse when high school came. My family could not afford to give me money to go shopping at Nordstroms every weekend. I finally resorted to shoplifting in the 9th grade to keep up with my rich friends. There was also another problem with girls. At least one of us every week was "left out". Either they weren't invited to a sleep over, or to the movies, or whatever it was. But fights were on constantly happening. I just thought this was what friendship was all about. Competition, fights, and shoplifting. Sigh. This sort of life took it's toll on me, self-esteem wise anyway. I was definitely the ugly one in the group. All my friends had already had their first kiss, first seriously relationship, and I was the girl in the group the guys would be nice to but hell no they'd never want to kiss. Natalie Q. had already dated all the guys we hung out with and Jennifer S. was right behind her. Sara was slowly becoming a closet-whore, and Alyson...well I always secretly thought she was a closet-lesbo. Never found out whether or not I was right though because I slowly but surely found myself back on Evergreen. I don't know what fascinated me about this group of punks, but they had fun. They did -not- care what the hell they looked like. They rarely showered and shopped at thrift stores when they needed clothes. And best of all, they made a clear statement, for something I was finally starting to believe in at the time. Fuck corporations. Fuck the system. Fuck it all. Teenage angst? Perhaps. All I know is, I slowly made my way from the popular quad, to the punk tree. And my three best friends under that tree with Andrea, Josh, and Gil. Now I believe it takes a long time to build a strong relationship. Andrea and Josh were definitely becoming two of my best friends. Gil was...well just Gil. I remember walking from the house we had moved into on Bonita Ave all the way to Evergreen, and walking to Evergreen from school (since it was right across the street). Early morning shots before school. Lunch time hits from a joint. And after-school beer runs and bumming smokes. Life was finally getting a little bit fun. And I never had to worry about walking into a Nordstrom's store again. So these Evergreen people became my influences in life for the time being, and sure we had many epic times, but I can't say they were positive. They were druggies. Sluts. Liars. Alcoholics. It's the sad truth, and even though they were friends I'd pass the time with. They were never "true friends". By 16, I needed a job. I needed money. I needed to drive. I needed to get away from La Verne. I finally found a Now Hiring sign at Claremont Pizza Kitchen, and what do you know? I got hired. Not only did I get hired, but I got to work with a bunch of hot older guys. Guys who, you know, had already graduated high school. And these guys made the Evergreen crowd look like newbies. I was finally getting some much needed attention from the opposite sex. It was the first time in my life that a bunch of older guys were actually attracted to me. I loved it and followed their every lead. Including picking up smoking. Of course I'd smoke every once in awhile with the evergreen crowd, but this was the first time I actually had a pack of cigs in my purse 24/7. Thanks to these wonderful older guy supplying my habit. Oh and they didn't just smoke weed and cigs. They did cocaine and ecstasy and everything else you could think of. I was in awe, shock, and extremely curious. Their stories of being so fucked up and happy interested me. I had to get my hands on some of these drugs. I was a young girl, but I was willing to show these guys I knew how to have fun. And boy did I show them. A little too much. Ended up sleeping with a few of them, causing lots of work drama, drinking way too much, being way too emotional, becoming way too attached to these guys who clearly didn't want more than sex from me, and getting involved in drugs that nearly killed me. Needless to say, not very positive, good friends huh? Years after the place closed down I was still in contact with a few of them and a few of them wanted nothing to do with my anymore. But by this time I was 21 and was living my own life. Amanda and I had become best friends. Now she was a great, positive influence. Hahaha...jk. She influenced me to sleep with more guys than I can remember. All because she was sleeping with one of their friends. I was that girl. The ugly fuck-my-friend-while-I-fuck-your-hot-friend girl. I didn't care though because by this time my drinking habit was full blown and as long as I was getting fucked up for free. Fuck it. Life was all honky dorey. Until I got a fucking DUI a couple years into this awful downward spiral life I was living. This wasn't until 2010. This wasn't that long ago. But it was finally time for me to GROW THE FUCK UP. And yes, I did. I guess what this entry was trying to say, was it wasn't until this year....living in Washington that I was able to meet decent people, (besides Andrea and Josh) involve myself with positive influences, and I am so grateful for them. I'm talking about John and Dave of course. Never have I met two kind-hearted, caring individuals that truly want nothing but the best for me in this life. I am just so thankful to finally be able to experience friends like this. For everything I have been through, I am one lucky girl to be able to make it out alive and meet such wonderful souls.