Yesterday was a great day. I hung out in downtown Oly and met up with Nahaci to workshop my abecedarian poem. The next poem we will be working on is an acronymic one! I might design it around the word REVOLT since that seems to be in my mind a lot lately. I found a flyer advertising a free "skool" with a class on the history of today offered that evening so I decided to check it out. A guy and girl around my age who went to Evergreen were there and they taught me a lot about what is going on in the financial economy. I mean I knew a lot of this stuff already, but they definitely filled me in on the missing parts that I couldn't seem to connect. Like the fact that there is a financial economy and a real economy and how loans really work and all that. Made me really start thinking. The girl asked the guy, "Well what should we do?" and he said "We need A REVOLUTION!"
Finally. Someone that UNDERSTANDS!!!!
Dave was acting weird all day. He seemed off while he was texting me at work. He got off around 11 and I went over to his house. He was in the weirdest mood. I am very sensitive to things, especially people's feelings and I could feel exactly what he was feeling right away. So the whole night was a little awkward and I just wanted him to get out of that funk. I had had the best day I have had in awhile and he was having the worst. We went to bed around 1:30 and by then I was feeling pretty lousy myself. We ended up having a very long discussion about the fact that we don't have anything in common and how he feels like I am going to break up with him, blah, blah, blah. He was complaining about his work in the military how he hates it. That pissed me off because some people, like myself, are struggling to find a job, any job and have absolutely no benefits and would love to have a secure home in the military world. Then I thought about everything I learned about the banks and how they are fucking up everything and how they still aren't regulated and the rich 1% of the country own everything and how no matter what the rest of us are screwed and I was getting really anxious. I told him I felt like people needed to be informed, we had to step up, do something about this. And he just said what most people say and what REALLY fucking pisses me off ... "Nah, I prefer to live in a cocoon and not bother myself with that crap". MUST BE NICE!
I rolled over and finally fell asleep around 3:30 in the morning. Around 6 I felt him get up so I woke up and asked if he was okay. He wasn't. I was feeling a lot better surprisingly and the whole argument seemed very stupid at this point. I wasn't able to reassure him last night that we were okay because he was honestly putting doubt into my mind. When I woke up I felt the doubt was gone and that I really did want to be with him. Relationships take work. They take compromise. No matter what some people say, it's true.
The only thing is there is still that voice in the back of my head now that is saying, "What if he isn't the guy?"
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