Not Bloody Sorry in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017
- Sept. 4, 2017, 10:01 p.m.
- |
- Public
My wife decided today to deride my personal career woes. Considering she is a woman who is near suicidal about a career she has had for fifteen fucking years; I think it a bit inappropriate for her to be so rude.
I know I have lost a lot of readers of late, and that makes me sad, but I still have words I need to share so share them I will!
So, my wife has been non-stop hateful of her life and her job for… well… a long time.
And here I am… in a position that also isn’t great. So… while she has a 4 hour shift tomorrow that she is dreading… I have a 12 hour day of less than 8 hour billable. So… gosh. 4 hours of a job that someone with a HS diploma could do versus a shitty 12 hour job where I’m not even paid for my time? Is it so wrong to ALSO have issues?
But Wife gets upset that I have issues with my job. So her words?
HER EXACT WORDS: “I don’t feel bad for you because this is the career you chose.”
So… the slowly self-destroying career you have chosen and stayed with for longer than we’ve been together.... that isn’t the career you chose? Or do you get to be salty and I’m not allowed?
So… ultimately… I was honest with her. And here is the honesty.
I went to law school TO BE A PROSECUTOR.
When I was a junior in college and decided to go to law school, I informed my friends that I wanted to go to law school to be a PROSECUTOR. During law school, it was known that I wanted to be a prosecutor!
So… I got my law degree. I passed the bar exam. I became a prosecutor. I did what I set out to do. And as painful… as difficult as it was… I know myself. I would have done that job forever. I would have. I would have been a prosecutor for a corrupt, terrible little hell hole of a city for my entire life. But Wife demanded something more. Wife demanded something better. And dammit… it made sense. Why spend my life working for a shitty miniature community that was trying to die? I mean… yeah, I was a prosecutor and yeah I was making enough money to feel comfortable… but corrupt? Isolated? Fucked up? All accurate. So, fuck it. I was able to follow my passions/dreams and it didn’t work out. Wife has been fucking miserable since we got married… maybe getting her to where she wanted to be would help.
Meanwhile? I’m working a job that is… well… emotionally tough. And Wife is still miserable. And her reaction to me being miserable? Is to call me out. To say “You chose this career.” Well, Wife.... no, I didn’t. The career I chose… was a well paid prosecutor in a shitty backwards town with no friends or family. Maybe not ideal… maybe really shitty… but it gave us the opportunity to (1) have a house; (2) have a good income; (3) have insurance; (4) be a better couple; (5) gave me free time.
So that is my current immediate.... issue. I’m exhausted and unhappy in a job that demands all of my time and pays me nothing. Wife is exhausted and suicidal in a job that demands (at most) 40 hours of her life, pays her well, and provides insurance. Wife is jumping down my throat because I’m unhappy.
Feels like bullshit.
Foofah ⋅ September 04, 2017
Hugs.
stargazing ⋅ September 05, 2017
I wish your wife could be more supportive, but I think she's so far into her own misery, she can't. Did you mention she's going to counseling now? I hope that she is. As I suspected, there isn't anything that you can do to make her happy. She's going to have to find that all on her own. You can support her, but in the end, she's gotta figure out what she wants and go after it. It would have been nice if the move closer to family and friends would have done it, but it is rarely that easy. She wasn't the only person who was miserable in tiny town though.
Park Row Fallout stargazing ⋅ September 05, 2017
I have certainly been hoping that counselling helps. It can't be a miracle cure. Wife needs to put some of her own work and effort into it, too. But I really do hope she gets something out of counseling. It just seems like she has been miserable ever since we got married. And... that statement does open the door for "she's miserable because she's married" (and the subsequent items therenin... but... she usually sticks by the "she's happy with me" element.
You are right that I was miserable in Tiny Town. And unlike Tiny Town... the only thing that is causing misery right now is my work... which honestly could get lots better. So here there is more hope for me personally. But... the inverse? It seems every move makes Wife less and less hopeful. To the point where, we are in a place with (perhaps) the most opportunities in Iowa... and she has stated recently "She's never felt more hopeless."
stargazing Park Row Fallout ⋅ September 05, 2017
You are absolutely correct that counseling isn't the miracle cure. Your wife absolutely has to put in the work in order for it to do any good. Just sitting there for an hour talking isn't going to do anything that writing in a journal or talking to a friend wouldn't do. She will have to take the suggestions that the therapist should make and do the work. I've never been a huge proponent of medication, but if she is so hopeless about everything, perhaps it's time to look into that. Our brain chemistry can get changed by depression, and medication can help with that..especially while she is working on the issues she is having.
absolut lilith ⋅ September 05, 2017
:(
Deleted user ⋅ September 06, 2017
I think you need to make it clear to her that she needs to cope with her own issues on her own and you are occupied dealing with yours. She seems pretty narcissistic ; as all she can focus on is her unhappiness, her needs, and her feelings. You will never have a minute's peace married to a Narcissist. They are never satisfied. It's all about them , all the time .
Always Laughing ⋅ September 12, 2017
Your wife really doesn't have the capability to be sensitive to your wants and needs she has shown that more often than not at least not when she is so miserable herself. She should not have made that comment to you.