Just an emotional female in just testing

Guess the week got away from me and i haven’t written much.

Work is fine. I was worried about a mistake but it hasn’t come up … might work itself out by next week.

The only sorta big news is they’re changing Will’s hours again. And they can say if its just for the summer, or permanent, but it’s lowering his hours and he’s pissed.

Starting next week he’s only working M - Th and they may give him a OTR run on Fridays… but they may not. Depends on if they need him.

A whole day gone is a big deal and he’s already mentioned to his manager that it may cause him to leave but it’s just a threat cause he’s not hasty like that. He’ll probably stay the summer at least and see if they give him Fridays back in the fall.

They’re messing with his money… you know what that means for me.

They kinda offered him Sundays so he’d work Sunday to Thursday, maybe Friday runs and off Saturday.

I don’t even care. I just keep going on like i do, because i live like a single woman m - f anyway. If it’s that way Sunday too, who cares. He’s worked Sundays before.

Part of me is like, i should schedule things for Sunday. He doesn’t care. I should make him feel add lonely as i do. Cause i know if i schedule things I Sundays to not be home then he’ll be pissed I’m not making an effort to make time for him… when does he do that for me?

I have all his time when his job doesn’t want it. But if his job wants it. I’m nobody. So why should i treat him better?

The therapist wouldn’t agree that i should purposely try to make him feel lonely but she also would tell him not to work Sundays because it damages our relationship but there he’ll blame man dna her for money out there for the taking that I’m preventing for no good reason…

Im bringing it up in therapy but it hardly matters because.. the point it is.. when the job said you’re not working Fridays and you may work Sundays he didn’t care… He was worried i would be mad but he wasn’t mad himself. He didn’t care! So the therapist can say no don’t work Sundays and he won’t but not because he actually cares, only because i care and he doesn’t want to fight cause then i threaten divorce and he doesn’t want to push me to the point that i actually do it.

I don’t threaten divorce because i don’t love him. I just feel hopeless about our problems, like this, that creep up every year at least. And when i think… we have at least 30 years together left. Do i really want to feel like this once a year… even if the other 364 feel great, do i want to keep doing this for 30 more years. And really i think no. I don’t want this. But he apologizes and i forgive and we make it another year …

My period is here so… there’s that. Just an emotional female that doesn’t understand logic.