Phewie, who farted? in Stuff

  • March 9, 2017, 5:34 a.m.
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So, of course I am sick upon returning from Mardi Gras. I’m still on a bit of a high from how fun this year’s was, so that’s good, but I’m also reminded that I am not a mid-20’s gay anymore, but moreso nearing a mid-30’s gay, and my body seems to let me know about it each and every year. It’s probably because I don’t really drink all that much and then mardi Gras comes around and I’m drinking three times as much as I normally do, plus all the dancing and making out with a couple of guys (I actually think that’s where I got these flu-ey symptoms from).

So anyway, Coop suggested that I should just go to the gym and sweat it out because that’s what he does, so last night I took his advice and just ran until I started to sweat, except my shirt was a bit loose when running so kept rubbing against my skin and causing it to itch, which is really frustrating. I’ve taken note to wear a tighter-fitting shirt whenever I want to run on the treadmills. It’s annoying because the loose singlet is what I normally wear and is great for any other exercises I want to do, just not for running. So I changed to the bike after a while which was much better.

I woke up still feeling groggy but managed to go back to work for my first full-day back. I was only gone for a week but man, nothing there has changed. My manager had already texted me asking if I could start early, which was fine, and he wasn’t there (what a surprise) and nor did the store manager know he wasn’t gonna be there. So I’m already behind haha. Geeez.
And I too was going to call in sick. Then they really woulda been screwed. Anyway, I haven’t been there all week so obviously they got by just fine. I can tell by the counts I’m scanning that things haven’t been done properly since the 4th, which was 5 days ago LOL ^shakes head^
I actually found myself wondering today, “How is this place even still trading?” That gave myself a good chuckle.

Anyway, so after work I forced myself to go back to the gym and go more cardio. Just cardio. I want to sweat this shit out and I want it gone fast.
Anyway, this is kinda gross, but hilarious so I’ll write it anyway :P
The whole point of this entry is that I accidentally farted whilst using the cross-trainer. You know, the whole body is moving up and down, arms and legs etc. It was bound to happen. I’m sure people fart at the gym all the time, especially those doing yoga. I didn’t think much of it. There wasn’t anyone of the machines to the right of me, and there was only a guy three machines over on the other side, there was no-one behind me, but there were two girls on the treadmills behind me but back toward the right. One of them had been running since I’d arrived, and this was about 20 minutes into my run. There’s still quite a gap between my crosstrainer that I was on and her treadmill..
I thought that I’d gotten away with it.
Well, turns out I was wrong. Running-girl sure as hell made a scene. She was wailing. Like a full-on wailing siren noise. At first I didn’t even know what it was over. Then I had the horrid realization that it must be because of me. Had my gas made it’s way over to her via the airconditioning? Surely not. I couldn’t even tell anymore haha.
I didn’t think it was that bad, but apparently that just means I must think my own shit don’t stink :P
Apparently to other people, it must smell a whole lot worse. I had brought my own lunch to work today, so my diet was probably a bit different to what it usually is.
Anyway, I could see her reflection in the window in front of me that looked out onto the street. She didn’t seem to be holding her nose but she was definitely wailing to her friend about something. Then she kinda did bring her hand to her nose LOL.
I just kept working out, pretended it wasn’t me. LOL. Yeah right Matt, as if it was anyone else. Certainly not her friend. Ladies don’t ever fart, do they? :P
Anyway, she kept working out, didn’t leave or anything. I ended up on the crosstrainer until it said I’d burned 500 calories, which was enough for me - just over a half hour. I’m wondering how much weight I can lose this sickness-round. I always seem to lose about 5kg every time I get sick, and that’s about how much I want to get rid of. My whole life has been trying to gain weight, and now that I am hovering close to 100kg (fuck that’s scary seeing me write that), for the first time, I’m looking at trying to lose some weight. I don’t think I look especially bad, but I am conscious of weighing more than I ever have before and I don’t want that to potentially skyrocket as I progress toward middle-age(ish) because if my body’s telling me that I can’t even enjoy a weekend of partying down in Sydney, then it’s probably going to tell me that it doesn’t want to exercise when I’m older as well.

I have another big week next week but that’s only with Big Gay Day and the Queer Film Festival, and trust me to be sick and coughing when I’m trying to sit in a quiet movie theatre and watch movies to a sold out crowd.
I’m pretty sure this happened last year as well - I was sick and trying to muffle my coughs in the damn cinema. I can just see deju-vu happening all over again. And I’m stupidly seeing 8 damn movies aren’t I? Ergh. I bought 3 of the 3-packs, which basically save me a few dollars, but there’s only 8 films that I wanted to see, so I had one voucher spare, so I offered it to Vish and James. Obviously one of them will have to pay for the film but they are gonna see one of the movies with me, so that’ll be good. I think that’s next Wednesday.
Then on Monday night I have the Justin Bieber concert, which I am wearing a My Little Pony shirt to. Apparently the girl we were going with has LOST her ticket. I hope she finds it!
This will be my second time seeing Bieber. I was actually so impressed the first time, as much as people say he’s a douchebag, he puts on a hell of a good show. And it’s in another stadium! So that’ll mean I saw Adele at the Gabba last weekend, and Bieber at Suncorp Stadium this coming week.

The boys have decided that me making the effort to go out to their place on Sunday for two hours between my movies just isn’t worth the hassle.
Fine. Whatever. I had no issue going out there via an Uber and back. I was making an effort and they’ve decided they don’t want me to, so it’s been decided for me.
Suits me okay. I don’t have to go to the effort now. Steve lives way up on the northside so travelling probably 40 minutes each way probably isn’t worth it, or rather, he’s decided it isn’t. I was happy to though. Bless Rhys though, offering me a lift like he always does. I still like him. I’m a bit iffed at the other friends though haha.


Last updated March 09, 2017


TL March 09, 2017

Lol! What a nightmare at the gym. Your Mardi Gras has been all over my FB newsfeed. The whole world is talking about it. Looked epic

KissOfLife! TL ⋅ March 09, 2017

Yeah it always is. 250,000 people at the parade but only 13,000 at the party :)

•kitkat• March 09, 2017

Every time I spent a night doing a lot of drinking, my body is quick to remind me the next day that I'm nearing my mid-30s and I'm not 21 anymore, lol.

KissOfLife! •kitkat• ⋅ March 09, 2017

It's so not fair! haha

kmh. March 09, 2017

LOL about your fart! Classic!
I hope you're feeling much better soon.

~Octopussy~ March 09, 2017

I drink way more now than I ever did in my twenties. But I think that's symptomatic of something else. What ever happened to just taking medicine when you're sick?

Swanny March 11, 2017

Such a funny (fart) entry :)
Sorry to hear you're unwell. Hope you feel better soon.
Glad you had such a great Mardi Gras :)

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