~Octopussy~ ⋅

I'm not really sure what to write about myself. I'm just moving forward because that's all I can do... except when I'm here, usually that means I'm obsessing about the past.

Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it.

Madonna

Entries 279

Page 1 of 12

So they have these stupid filters on Instagram with little games or something that pop up above your head. You have to sound out the gibberish that sounds like a popular phrase. I got one that sa...


So I know it’s been quite a while. I began the medical trial, which ended when the pharma company decided it was too difficult to produce the medicine… but I did have one wild weekend in Denver w...


This week has been crazy. My next entry was actually going to go in the Sex Book, but I haven’t written it yet… I still might, so perhaps we’ll just bypass that part of the week and just talk abo...


I’m not sure I can quite properly convey how absolutely mind-boggling my new teaching situation has been. From day one, it was a definite mindfuck. Even though the first day consisted mostly of g...


Richard and I have been trying to make plans to see each other for ages but it just never panned out. Next week I begin my new job, teaching at the school where he is currently enrolled as a stud...


So I’ve been seeing this guy for like two weeks and it’s weird to finally be dating. I know this is going to sound stupid considering how I bitched for years and years about wanting to date, but ...


The other day at work, it was my co-worker’s last day. Christophe and I started on almost the same exact day, but we didn’t meet until he got back, nearly a month later, from his visit to his son...


2019 is over so there’s no need to talk about any of it. Well, you know, I’m making that choice until some trauma comes up and then I have to explain it. I’m predicting that’ll happen around Marc...


I wrote an entire entry about an epiphany I had the other day but really, I don’t want to write about childhood trauma again. It’s so boring and repetitive. So I thought I’d go a different route ...


Nothing has changed. I’ve been on a few disastrous dates. I am NOT writing about that horrible sexual experience because I just can’t bring myself to discuss it. It was horrifying.... But I will ...


I should really write since I have so much to write about but I just can’t really be bothered to get everything down. That’s why I titled the last entry as such because I was avoiding writing stu...


Can you whistle? Just put your lips together and blow. But not really. Scariest thrill ride you’ve been on? My trip to New York in 2006 comes to mind. Where is your favorite place on earth? Jac...


So after writing that last entry, Richard and I finally hung out for my birthday where I took him to the bi-monthly orgy that happens and watched him get fucked by nearly every person I’ve had se...


I won’t say I’m surprised because I’m not, at least, not when I look back and take a look at everything that has led to this point. Richard moving back to Sacramento wasn’t the great healing I t...


I knew the minute I said the word “fag” to him, I had opened some kind of floodgate. Furthermore, as I listened to him spin this yarn, telling me how everyone is constantly telling him what a fag...


I’ve written so many entries that I ended up deleting. I was getting very tired of the tone of my entries, everything negative and dwelling on how hurt I am. That perspective hasn’t changed too m...


August 18, 2019

Toys in Things That I'm Grateful For

So recently, my little brother broke up with his girlfriend. I found out about it while I was in LA because my mother had to share it with me, but the way she shared it with me completely cemente...


I have a new answer to the question “What’s your favorite horror movie?” and my answer will still surprise you. My answer used to be Titanic. Nobody really understood that but I would remind the...


After I wrote the last entry, I actually looked back at my past entries and was not all that surprised to discover that I had written almost an identical entry last year. I wrote this long entry ...


I know it’s been an incredibly long time, and I don’t even know if anyone still looks for my entires anymore because of how infrequent they’ve become. I just got back from a long-deserved vacatio...


I just wrote the longest and most boring entry about my disorder that I’ve ever written. No one wants to read that, I didn’t even want to write it, so I’ll distill it down to something interestin...


I know, it has been a long time. One of the longest breaks I’ve ever taken. To be quite honest, the only reason I’m writing right now is because I was watching Call Me By Your Name and started ge...


I was halfway through a REALLY boring entry and I just decided, fuck that, I’ll do a survey. Get to know me. A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? “These creepy old men keep hover...


Last weekend, my step-father cornered me and I got stuck in this incredibly long speech. Essentially, he called me a 40-year-old single loser. First of all, I was livid. I’m finally getting on tr...


Last year was such a complicated year musically, that I thought it would be a good thing to share my top favorite albums from the year. Dark Horse by Devin Dawson: I’m not picking this just becau...