~Octopussy~ ⋅

I'm not really sure what to write about myself. I'm just moving forward because that's all I can do... except when I'm here, usually that means I'm obsessing about the past.

Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it.

Madonna

Entries 266

Page 1 of 11

I won’t say I’m surprised because I’m not, at least, not when I look back and take a look at everything that has led to this point. Richard moving back to Sacramento wasn’t the great healing I t...


I knew the minute I said the word “fag” to him, I had opened some kind of floodgate. Furthermore, as I listened to him spin this yarn, telling me how everyone is constantly telling him what a fag...


I’ve written so many entries that I ended up deleting. I was getting very tired of the tone of my entries, everything negative and dwelling on how hurt I am. That perspective hasn’t changed too m...


August 18, 2019

Toys in Things That I'm Grateful For

So recently, my little brother broke up with his girlfriend. I found out about it while I was in LA because my mother had to share it with me, but the way she shared it with me completely cemente...


I have a new answer to the question “What’s your favorite horror movie?” and my answer will still surprise you. My answer used to be Titanic. Nobody really understood that but I would remind the...


After I wrote the last entry, I actually looked back at my past entries and was not all that surprised to discover that I had written almost an identical entry last year. I wrote this long entry ...


I know it’s been an incredibly long time, and I don’t even know if anyone still looks for my entires anymore because of how infrequent they’ve become. I just got back from a long-deserved vacatio...


I just wrote the longest and most boring entry about my disorder that I’ve ever written. No one wants to read that, I didn’t even want to write it, so I’ll distill it down to something interestin...


I know, it has been a long time. One of the longest breaks I’ve ever taken. To be quite honest, the only reason I’m writing right now is because I was watching Call Me By Your Name and started ge...


I was halfway through a REALLY boring entry and I just decided, fuck that, I’ll do a survey. Get to know me. A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? “These creepy old men keep hover...


Last weekend, my step-father cornered me and I got stuck in this incredibly long speech. Essentially, he called me a 40-year-old single loser. First of all, I was livid. I’m finally getting on tr...


Last year was such a complicated year musically, that I thought it would be a good thing to share my top favorite albums from the year. Dark Horse by Devin Dawson: I’m not picking this just becau...


I’m sitting in one of five Starbucks I passed in my terminal alone in the Seattle-Tacoma airport. I’m heading back to Sacramento after having a week here to clear my head and figure things out. M...


This week left me feeling down and completely listless. I went out to do some writing, I booked my flight to Seattle, and then I was talking to a friend who reminded me that the Fleetwood Mac con...


Last night was such a disaster, I’m so angry and so done with so many things. Honestly, it was so bad that had it been a year ago, I would have killed myself. There would have been no attempt, I ...


The air quality in my nook of California has been so bad that I haven’t actually left my house in three days. I’m okay with that, I caught up on some reading and enjoyed the solitude. Not having ...


I remember writing the last entry thinking that I had so much to write about, but really, none of it matters. And that’s the problem. I miss when I felt like my life mattered. I wish everything d...


I should know better than to name my trips something as singular as “One Man Show” because in essence, that’s what it became. A series of misfires in which I found myself at the mercy of my own p...


So I am writing this on my phone, which I hate doing but I’ve just decided all of this in the last 24 hours, so I’m writing now. I have much more to write about, but I haven’t had the time. My j...


September 07, 2018

Dreams in Things That I'm Grateful For

Angel I’m walking down some kind of passage, all I can perceive is a brick wall to my right. Somehow the pathway is lit before me in a way that completely directs my path forward. To the left is ...


A - Age: 34 (but only for a few more weeks) B- Biggest Fear: I just went over this in the last entry.... being abandoned. C- Current Time: 15h55 on a Monday. D- Drink you last had: Earl Grey with...


Yesterday an incident happened which caused a sharp crack in my somewhat fragile mental health recovery. I mean, I didn’t sleep all night because I was crying in terror, afraid to fall asleep. It...


So I decided to go to my family’s church yesterday. I wanted to see if this was the source of the political hatred that has suddenly washed over my family. Let me tell you, I haven’t been to chur...


So there have been two other wrenches thrown into my plan to head back to LA in the timely manner in which I had first charted out. The first of which is my former employer, whom I shall be seein...


Chuckie is continuing to slide into territories I find truly frightening. Are there Mexican Neo-Nazis? The other day he was wearing a red shirt emblazoned with that famous photo of Ché Guevara wi...