~Octopussy~

I'm not really sure what to write about myself. I'm just moving forward because that's all I can do... except when I'm here, usually that means I'm obsessing about the past.

Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it.

Madonna

Entries 253

Page 1 of 11

This week left me feeling down and completely listless. I went out to do some writing, I booked my flight to Seattle, and then I was talking to a friend who reminded me that the Fleetwood Mac con...


Last night was such a disaster, I’m so angry and so done with so many things. Honestly, it was so bad that had it been a year ago, I would have killed myself. There would have been no attempt, I ...


The air quality in my nook of California has been so bad that I haven’t actually left my house in three days. I’m okay with that, I caught up on some reading and enjoyed the solitude. Not having ...


I remember writing the last entry thinking that I had so much to write about, but really, none of it matters. And that’s the problem. I miss when I felt like my life mattered. I wish everything d...


I should know better than to name my trips something as singular as “One Man Show” because in essence, that’s what it became. A series of misfires in which I found myself at the mercy of my own p...


So I am writing this on my phone, which I hate doing but I’ve just decided all of this in the last 24 hours, so I’m writing now. I have much more to write about, but I haven’t had the time. My j...


September 07, 2018

Dreams in Things That I'm Grateful For

Angel I’m walking down some kind of passage, all I can perceive is a brick wall to my right. Somehow the pathway is lit before me in a way that completely directs my path forward. To the left is ...


A - Age: 34 (but only for a few more weeks) B- Biggest Fear: I just went over this in the last entry.... being abandoned. C- Current Time: 15h55 on a Monday. D- Drink you last had: Earl Grey with...


Yesterday an incident happened which caused a sharp crack in my somewhat fragile mental health recovery. I mean, I didn’t sleep all night because I was crying in terror, afraid to fall asleep. It...


So I decided to go to my family’s church yesterday. I wanted to see if this was the source of the political hatred that has suddenly washed over my family. Let me tell you, I haven’t been to chur...


So there have been two other wrenches thrown into my plan to head back to LA in the timely manner in which I had first charted out. The first of which is my former employer, whom I shall be seein...


Chuckie is continuing to slide into territories I find truly frightening. Are there Mexican Neo-Nazis? The other day he was wearing a red shirt emblazoned with that famous photo of Ché Guevara wi...


I knew that making an announcement about my intentions to leave LA was a very bad idea because my mother has done absolutely everything in her power to wind down the clock. Now, I’m not really bl...


Last week was such a crazy, whirlwind of a week that I don’t even want to talk about it. It was filled with a lot of interesting things, and I spent nearly four days straight with Richard. It was...


I came home from work the other night and my parking spot as well as all the guest parking spots were taken up by my little brother’s friends. Honestly, I didn’t even get mad. In the past, every ...


Richard has been making frequent trips to visit now that he’s out of school and only has to work weekends at the bar in San Francisco. This means that he’s not just seeing me, he’s also seeing hi...


I know it’s been a while, but it’s been gradually increasing in intensity as time has gone on. The drag show was fine. It was a bit of a mess simply because my friend that was supposed to help m...


I hate that everything is so difficult right now. I have to fight for every damn thing. I have to struggle to feel fine, feel normal, feel even just a minute amount of self-love and each step of ...


April 15 is the one year anniversary of the death of my grandmother. We all know how well that turned out for me, I’m still trying to deal with the consequences of that whole situation. I still h...


I’m sorry I’ve been MIA recently, I’ve been battling to get my health under control, which has been more of a struggle than I’m really used to. Apparently while I was absent, Prosebox was ending…...


I’m watching Love Or Whatever, and Jennifer Elise Cox is sooooo fucking hysterical. She portrayed Jan Brady in the 90s Brady Bunch movies (which are quite possible two of the funniest films ever ...


I know it’s been so many months since I’ve written anything significant, but after my suicide attempt in September, I had to change everything about my life. I cut everyone off, quit my job, and ...


I’m I haven’t written in ages, but I’ve been focusing so much on my novel that it has completely sapped by desire to write elsewhere. A strange thing happened to me recently, I was finally at the...


I know it has been a horribly long time since I’ve written and there’s no excuse other than I haven’t felt like it. Not even when my birthday rolled around. I’ve spent the last month trying, rath...


Well, it’s been a pretty crazy couple of weeks. Crazy because I’m doing everything possible to keep myself from going crazy. Since I cut off all contact with Richard, I’ve quit my job and gotten...