~Octopussy~

I'm not really sure what to write about myself. I'm just moving forward because that's all I can do... except when I'm here, usually that means I'm obsessing about the past.

Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it.

Madonna

Entries 223

Page 1 of 9

August 13, 2017

Bitchin' in The Song Remembers When

I don’t know why and I’m not going to analyze why, but I totally identified more easily with female singers and bands when I was younger. I think it’s because I was raised in such a feminine envi...


I know I haven’t written but in truth, not much has happened. How often can I write about a cycle that repeats itself? How many times can I say “this is bad” without anything really changing? Wh...


I spent the entire rest of the week trying to deconstruct what happened with Richard. Or stop myself from deconstructing. I didn’t drink or smoke. I went to bed at 9:30 every night. Until Saturda...


Someone posted that on my Facebook page in response to something in French, and I’ve never laughed so hard about something Russian.


Do you make your bed? I don’t even sleep in a bed. I don’t have one and haven’t had one since I left Los Angeles. Yet another reason to leave. Also why staying away from home is such a treat. The...


The weekend was exactly what I needed. It had so many shades to it and it was amazingly complex, although sickeningly simple at the same time. I wondered how it was going to go especially since R...


I had to escape this week. Karen, my mother’s friend whom I used to live with, invited me to stay at her place for the week since the service arrangements were going to absolutely overwhelm every...


When I was younger, I loved the stories of Edgar Allan Poe. For whatever reason, those dreary stories about death, murder and the impending Hell seemed perfectly normal for my teenaged brain. Alt...


She said, “We don’t know now but it won’t hurt this bad forever.” I replied coldly, “Yes, it will.” “I know it feels like that now,” she answered,” but someday it will feel like less of a weight....


I finally had a day off today and I spent most of it watching a 6-hour documentary on the making of the original set of Star Trek movies. I really don’t know how people feel about Star Trek any l...


My mother is diving deep into planning my grandmother’s service. She’s been dead for months but the service isn’t until July 1st. She’s put every ounce of grief into making this as bombastic as p...


I’m currently in the middle of yet another massive “self-help” entry that will take me weeks to complete, so I thought I’d fill this out. Current book: Last night, I just finished re-reading Some...


I know that that last entry was a rambling mess, but that’s because I wrote it over a period of about two weeks and kept losing my train of thought and coming back to it. To boil it down to somet...


So there I was at at Sarah’s mother’s with all of these adults that have known me since I was 4. Once I knocked over Sarah’s 1-year-old nephew, I stayed in the corner pretty much by myself. I did...


My little brothers think I’m being overdramatic because I’ve said that I won’t be going to my grandmother’s memorial service. Ironically, my mother completely supports my decision. I think it’s t...


The repetition of my life is a little bit more frayed at the edges than was visible prior to my grandmother’s death. And yes, I say death. My mother is saying all kinds of softer words, and I kno...


I kind of touched on something in the survey I posted that I wanted to expand on… I can’t listen to most music anymore. If we’re friends on Facebook, you’ll notice I’ve posted a lot of music but ...


Since these days I’m always looking for a good distraction, here’s a really intrusice survey. Sexual Orientation? I don’t know that I have a simple answer for this any longer. It’s definitely n...


I lit the scented candle on my desk. Pipe tobacco and patchouli. The only scented candles I owned smelled like different men that I’ve loved in my life. I took a look around and observed how litt...


It was over a year ago. I was auditioning for a play, mostly because the director of the play was a former professor (whom I hated) and asked me to audition specifically for the show. I didn’t ge...


She passed away at 4:16 yesterday. I’m very irritated by a great many things, but mostly because I don’t know what I’m feeling. The funny thing is, after I announced it on Facebook with the inten...


I’m sorry I haven’t been writing, but my grandmother has worsened and we’ve ceased treatment having moved on to pain management. It’s only a matter of days until she passes. Furthermore, I had to...


So much has happened this past week, it makes me dizzy to think about. So I’m going to summarize it quickly: I hung out with Eric and planned our trip to San Francisco, stopped a rape from happen...


I was reading Kiss Of Life’s entry and it reminded me of this song. I love this song and think it’s got a great message. George really was a master. It’s really difficult to hear in hindsight. L...


Amongst the idiotic romantic entanglements into which I’ve been getting myself, there has also been the situation of my grandmother’s deteriorating health. The main problem I’m having with the wh...


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