What is there to write about? Another straight guy throwing himself at me, another lost career opportunity, more anchors holding me down. There’s a lot of monotony in my life right now.
The other night, as I crawled out of some kid’s bed and wandered to another guy’s place, I realized I was just stumbling around like a zombie. As I left the second guy’s place, I realized, I don’t want to have sex any longer. I really don’t. It’s boring and is just something I use to occupy my time and distract me from how much I hate everything right now.
I have to come up with something that is not destructive and can help me withstand everything until February. At least the date for my exodus is set and I can prepare. I need ideas, I’m thinking tattoos… it’ll turn my destructive need into art. Or maybe I’ll do lots of drugs… but that isn’t healthy. Besides, drugs aren’t really my thing.
I don’t know what to make of anything right now and I definitely should not be making any decisions… but that’s the problem with adulthood, decisions are ceaseless.