Violet & Blue in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

Sarah’s wedding was this past weekend and as nice as it was, I’m so glad it’s over. The only reason being, weddings are fucking stressful. It was incredibly unnerving having to see people from the past 30 years over and over again. All they want to do is talk about that funny weekend in 1990, and that hysterical time I wore a wig in 1997 or where I disappeared to in 2001. Then I log onto Facebook and see all the drama there…

Look, I don’t know shit about politics which is why I hate logging into social media. I’m just over it. I’m so over everybody saying that the world is going to end if one of these people gets elected over the other. From what I can tell, it boils down to “we can kiss the rights of minorities good-bye if Trump is elected” or “we can be assured another war will happen and Wall Street will run things if Hillary is elected”.

Maybe it’s just because I’ve studied US history so thoroughly but I know things aren’t that dire. It’s just being framed that way so that we’ll all be invested in whomever we’re supposed to be supporting. I really can’t find any meaning in any of it.

I really just don’t want to deal with people and their problems any more. I don’t have the patience. I’ve experienced too much this year, too much disappointment and death. I wrote this long paragraph about how I was just done with it and apparently people think I’m doing it for attention or because I’m misinformed and exerting my “white privilege” by choosing to disengage.

Whatever. If that’s what people want to think, that’s fine. I’m a racist, I don’t care about your problems because I’m white. But isn’t that always the way it goes, they don’t want to listen to my whining but when I choose to disengage because it’s becoming too difficult for me, I’m racist for doing so. That’s just the way it goes.

I want it to rain again. I want to relax. I want to turn 33 in a few weeks without incident. I want to wake up calm in the warmth of a violet and blue morning. I want to find a new job, one that won’t tell me lies. I want a lot of things, but will I have the patience to wait for the right things?

The nice thing about that breaking point that happened a few weeks ago means that I have the time to create whatever world I want to around me. I have the time to create whatever space will get me healthy again. Maybe I won’t need recuperation in Los Angeles if I use these next four months correctly. I can exercise, get some tattoos, make some headways in relationships....

Sure, I say this now, but we’ll see if I have the ability to follow through.