I wish I could stay strong in OCD George

  • Jan. 11, 2014, 8:12 p.m.
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  • Public

I was able to sleep really late today and it felt wonderful. Then I just had a very lazy day, didn't do much of anything until around 4 when I finally decided to brush my teeth and take a shower. I went shopping with my sisters and then to dinner. That would have been nice if it weren't for one of my sisters coughing really hard the whole time in such close proximity to me. She just took her last antibiotic today and that cough is really bad... I don't want to get sick. Plus, she decided to bring up something stupid that I posted on fb recently to my other sisters. She was trying to embarrass me but she doesn't realize that I don't embarrass that easily... not about stupid shit like that.
When I got home, I put a few things away but I needed to sit down and put my feet up for a while before I finish up. I got on the computer and started listening to music & I started thinking about him again. I think it's because when we were out to eat, I kept noticing someone that was working in the kitchen there who looked A LOT like him... it was crazy how much they look alike. But between that and the music, I think it was a lost cause tonight.
I started missing him. I texted him and he responded. He asked what I was doing & I told him the usual and that I was thinking about him. He asked what I was thinking. I told him that I was missing him and I said I am pathetic lol. He said that's not pathetic and that he misses me too. I told him we will have to hang out soon. He is at his best friends place tonight and is drinking. I have a feeling I will hear from him more later on tonight once he's had enough to drink. He will probably text. Maybe he wont. But I have a feeling that if he's missing me, he will text me.
This is just so freaking hard. I just wish I didn't miss him so much. I want to get over him. It's so hard.
Not to mention Lou. I really like him a lot. It almost feels like it's disrespectful to Lou for me to be feeling this way about George. Lou is a really great man and I would love to be with him. He calls me all the nicknames and he is so very sweet. I can see a future with this man. It is really wrong for me to feel like this about George. I shouldn't be missing one man when I am making plans with another. I just really miss him and I don't know how to stop. I really wish I could be one of those people who just makes my mind up and that's it.
I'm not kidding myself. I know I can't be with George anymore. I know I need to move on. And I know that I want to be with Lou. Maybe I just needed a good cry about all of this. I feel better already.


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