Tuesday, June 14th, 2016 @ 12:20 PM
Been meaning to write but everytime I sit down and write for some reason I just leave it alone and then later in the day just exit out of it. Right now all I had to eat was 2 tuna sandwiches and my stomach is going crazy. Whenever I eat, whatever I eat my stomach just gets upset. The cost for the pills I need to survive are going up and we can barley afford them, we barley get by month after month. Hopefully we will be accepted for medicaid so I can go to the dentist and get my medicines paid for. I don’t want to end up with dentures or just no teeth in general. Feeling really angry and agitated today. The pools been closed the past few days and this morning I waited about 20 minutes to see if one of the handy men were going to open it, they said no and I called him a lazy a** and left. I get on and play every night with my friends on xbox but like 2 nights of the week I have a new episode of my show on that only lasts an hour and they get all pissed off and act like I hardly play with them at all it’s stupid and I don’t understand it. I know this is going to sound crazy but for some reason, sometimes I just sit alone and think to myself “what if I am the only real person on earth and the rest are just robots or something?” Now feeling alone inside actually has a reason to make sense. :P
I found a picture that describes how I feel mentally 
That is really how I see myself, well I see myself as a child, chained to a stone wall in a large, dark, and cold room. I wouldn’t say I’m that bloody either, I imagine myself with my right eye swelled shut and blood coming down from that side of my head and my left eye is open and there is a deep cut on my left cheek. And after I think about it my view goes third person and I just yell, “Why doesn’t anyone help me?” “Why am I so alone?” “Why do I suffer all alone?” ”What did I do to deserve this?”.
Speaking of my friends, one of them had his girlfriend in another state for a few weeks, a couple of days ago they had some big party. Two of them went over to one’s house and got drunk and snorted and abused Xanax, they all managed to somehow drive safely to get taco’s and then to a whole town over to a strip club and spent loads of money on strippers and they aint even old enough to get in there let alone drink. I laughed a little at the story because one of them said they tried getting out of the car but his legs didn’t want to work so he face-planted the sidewalk. Serves him right for abandoning me. Like I said, I am just so angry today, I was telling my mom that next time I see that dickhead doctor I would put him in his place and that made me feel better for the time being.
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