The Art of Flirtation in New Beginnings

I suck at it. I’ve long been an extra introverted type. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being full time shut in, I’m probably a nine. There are advantages to being an introvert. We think more deeply about life, we very quickly learn to distinguish what we want for ourselves as opposed to what we’re supposed to want according to everyone else, we function better with a lack of sleep, and we have low economic foot prints, meaning we can enjoy a high quality of life without a correspondingly high salary.

Romance is not among those advantages. I once read somewhere that being an male introvert has no influence on his relationship status because there will always be a woman bold enough to make the first move. Yeah, I’m not saying that statement was bravo sierra, but I don’t think it applies to people like me who are so far on that spectrum that we’ve long lost the ability to read nonverbal communication from the opposite sex.

The weird thing that I’ve noticed lately as that as I age (I turned 34 a couple of weeks ago, and I didn’t write an entry on my birthday because I’ve long since passed the point at which I’m not another year older so much as I’m one more year closer to death), women seem to be flirtier. Specifically, married women seem to be flirtier. Granted, I’m no expert on womanly affection, but I know when I’m being ignored, and I don’t think I am. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m referring to peculiarly small comments and gestures that women have seldom if ever directed at me in the past. For instance, a while ago, I went out to lunch with some of my coworkers, among them was a very attractive married woman named Galina. We were talking about our how we work together during the month end close, and I mentioned how I felt bad for harassing Galina every month for the particular data item I need. Not that I actually harass her so much as I send her an email asking her to respond with those figures when she gets them. Her response was to look at me, laugh, and say, “It’s okay, I like being harassed.” I was stunned. I mean, did this woman just tell me she likes my harassing her? Just a couple of weeks ago, I was helping another rather attractive coworker named Nicole move a box, which she could have easily moved by herself, and everything I said was charming and funny. She thought it was hilarious when she asked me if I did anything fun for my birthday, and I responded, “when I’m another year younger, then I will celebrate.”

I know they’re not looking to scratch the infidelity itch. On the contrary, I’ve heard that women in stable relationships are more likely to flirt. I don’t know if I can explain it as deftly, but apparently flirting is fun, but it’s not fun when the person you’re trying to charm rejects your advances. However, when a woman is in a committed relationship, it doesn’t matter if another guy shoots her down, because she wasn’t really interested anyway. The reward of an ego boost from someone else’s attention is there, but the risk of rejection isn’t. Some guys might complain of these women as being teases, but I don’t. Actually, I’d appreciate the opportunities to practice until I can finally “graduate” to talking to available women.

However, I wonder if instead I’ll just “graduate” to being blown off after they get to know me. That notion makes me want stick to my normal routine of working out, reading, gaming, & watching Netflix. I’m largely content following that schedule. Every so often, I something happens that gives me pause. For example, until December 2014, I had a fetching coworker named Emmy from Normandy. Her position was temporary, and she had to leave once her work visa expired. She eventually was able to get another position in Boston, and she took some vacation time to fly down to Atlanta and visit some friends, among them some people at my office. When I heard she’d be visiting Monday, a day I had to take off for some personal errands, I was disappointed that I wouldn’t get to see her. Not that she and I were close, but the fact that I was looking forward to just being able to exchange pleasantries with attractive woman makes me reevaluate my situation. Am I really as satisfied as I think I am being alone, or am I just comfortably numb to it?

Perhaps I should be trying to date. There are certainly options for less outgoing individuals like online dating services, activity groups, and so forth. However, when I consider making that change, I remember how awkward my few previous dates were with the uncomfortable silences and lulls in conversation. Not to mention after the date when I had no idea if she wanted me to call her and when was appropriate to do so. Then there was the aggravation of all the contradictory behavior. After my last date nine years ago, we ended the evening amicably with plans to go out again. I tried calling her a couple of days afterwards and left a message on her voicemail. When I tried again, a couple of days after that, she did pick up, but she said she’d have to call me back, which she never did. That drives me bonkers! Why is it inappropriate to say, “you seem like a nice person, but I’d just rather prioritize being available to date someone else.” I suppose that sounds kind of rude, but I’d rather someone be straight with me than lie to me out of politeness. Beyond those issues, I’m concerned about other problems I haven’t encountered. For instance, my house is somewhat barren with empty rooms, few items of furniture, no photos or pictures on the wall. It’s enough for me, but if I find myself seeing a woman regularly, when she’s probably going to think I’m emotionally stunted or maladjusted when she sees my home. Basically, I have go buy a bunch of stuff I don’t need or want, which I’d have to get rid of once we’re married and we need room for both our possessions. Those are just the problems and obstacles I’m aware of. Yeah, maybe I need to just keep doing what I’m doing.