A Deeper Love in Things That I'm Grateful For

I read recently about the questionnaire compiled by a psychologist to help people determine compatibility in romantic relationships, and so I figured that since there are so many nonsense surveys and questionnaires on here, I’d do one that was actually structured by a professional and see how it goes. Now I actually had to sit and think hard about my answers, so be kind in your judgment of me.

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
   I think I would want to have John Waters. I wouldn’t like someone serious and boring, but I would like to talk to someone that I believe could impart a little wisdom to me. He has seen and done so many things, and I respect his perspective on things and the way he intellectualizes things would probably be the perfect balance of fun and wisdom.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
   No, absolutely not.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
   I have done that before, it was always in circumstances where I was incredibly nervous about the call. I quit doing it once I realized that even in the limitless scenarios I could imagine, all of that depended upon them picking up the phone. If they didn’t, which was often the case, I would then become blindsided by them whenever they would call back so that worry and rehearsal was a waste. A conversation is tennis and the ball can go in any direction when it is hit back to you so there’s no way to structure it that seriously.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
   I don’t quite know what that means but I guess I would say slightly overcast and a little drizzly.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
   I sang Planets of the Universe last night on the way home.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
   Neither. If my mind was stuck at 30 years old, I’d be very witless, indeed. And as for my body, I wasn’t very healthy at 30 because I was doing so much that I was constantly ill.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
   No.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
   N/A

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
   The fact that I can have the life I want even if it takes me away from people I care about.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
    I suppose I wish I would’ve been closer in age to Cameron and Chuckie. They have a relationship as siblings that I don’t have because I was so far apart from them. They have a level of forgiveness and comfortability that I never found in someone else because I was an only child for 13 years. Just because my mother had children much much later doesn’t mean I’m still not an only child.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
    N/A

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
    To speak Thai.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
    Nothing, I’m trying to let go of my desire to know everything.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
    No, I’ve done just about everything I’ve dreamed of.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
    That I’ve lived it on my own terms.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?
    I suppose friendship for me is the care of another person, a thread that connects to another person, and if you tug it, they’ll feel the pull and come to help or just check in.

17. What is your most treasured memory?
    Recreating photos for my mother’s birthday. I couldn’t figure out what to get my mother, and I happened to see some old photos of myself and my grandmother on her wall, so I took my grandmother to a photo studio with accessories and outfits for both of us so that we could recreate those photos 20 years later for her. I remember it because not only did the photos bring my mother a lot of joy, but my grandmother delighted in being able to recreate a part of her life from before her stroke. I don’t think I’ve ever been kinder than that.

18. What is your most terrible memory?
    Valentine’s Day, 2003. The day I laid on the floor of a jail cell and asked for God to take my life.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
    Not really. I might not keep my savings account, but that’s about it.

20. What does friendship mean to you?
    I just went over this.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
    None.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
    N/A

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
    My family is close and warm but I am the outlier in the family. Mostly because I wasn’t raised by those people. The people who raised me are dead now. My mother is a cuddly person who gives hugs and things like that, but not to me. I think that’s just because all of that kind of affection came from my grandparents and so I never had the occasion to develop a close physical relationship with my mother.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
    People have a lot of opinions about my relationship with my mother, including her, but I was never one of those people who was under the illusion that my mother was infallible. I was always aware that my mother made choices, sometimes right and sometimes wrong, and that she broke her promises. I greatly respect my mother. She has not always been kind to me, but she does what she thinks is best even if it’s seen as casually cruel. We are closer now than we ever have been and that’s because I figured out the secret to our relationship: the further we are, physically, the closer we become, emotionally.

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
    N/A

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
    a pizza. Sometimes there are things denied to me because I am single, and that’s irritating.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
    N/A

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
    N/A

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
    N/A

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
    I cried in front of my class a few weeks ago. We were watching a video about Mister Rogers and I still get so emotional from the nuggets of truth he seemed to pull out of thin air.

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
    N/A

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
    I’m not sure any topic is really off limits, but the thing about jokes and humor is that they should never humiliate or degrade another person. If someone has a personal stake in a topic, then that topic should be respected for the sake of another person, regardless of whether or not the joke is funny. This is not about “being able to take a joke” or not, it’s about the fact that humor is a matter of perspective and a joke can be funny to nearly anybody who is not fighting trauma about the subject. It’s why some of my trans friends find Chapelle’s jokes about trans people rather amusing, some find them insulting. Both are correct because they are at different places and different perspectives. Laughing because you think something is funny is different than laughing because something is cruel (although Seinfeld does a lot of good cruelty jokes).

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
    I’m okay.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
    The photo from the aforementioned birthday gift.

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
    When my mother dies, it’ll probably be very difficult for me. Because that means I’ll be next.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
    N/A

Well, after having finished that, I’m not sure I understand how this helps you fall in love, but it sure made me feel like an asshole.