Kiss in Things That I'm Grateful For

  • Nov. 16, 2023, 5:10 a.m.
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  • Public

alt textSo the day finally arrived. He’s been talking about it since we first met about 2 years ago, back when producing his series was just a dream for him. Ark was always telling me he wanted me to do something in character as David Lynch. Initially, he wanted it to be inserted as part of a dream sequence, but once shooting on his series finally began, he told me that he’s having to retool that whole bit. For some reason, though, he looked at me and thought I looked just like David Lynch.

The series finally premiered, the first half of the episodes on Halloween and the second half of the season will be sometime in early September.

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I didn’t get a chance to watch it because I was in Laos at the time, and he asked me repeatedly if I’d watched it yet. I finally did, and I have to say, you should watch it. It’s a very intriguing mystery and I’m proud of his success.

But anyways, Ark finally told me that he wants me to do the David Lynch clip… and then he said something about wanted me to pose for him. Now, Ark’s photography is very… intimate. I was kind of excited by the prospect of it, and we kept having to push back the date, but when the date was upcoming, I saw him out and he told me what he wanted for the David Lynch clip.

So in my head, I thought that’s all we were doing.

Finally, yesterday I went to Ark’s place. He has a whole building, most of it rather dark and unkempt. I found it really charming, like a haunted house (very fitting if you watch his series). We ended up having to go later in the day because he got dragged into a production call for his next series. It was announced to much fanfare and has gained a lot of traction very quickly due to its vampire theme and starring a very beloved Thai actor who has never taken on a gay role before (although he did star as a bi character in a poly relationship that was one of my favorites). He was telling me that they have to retool the series because, after the explosive response, three other studios have announced series with vampire themes.

I think he was surprised by the fact that I knew so much about behind-the-scenes production. We were talking and he bounced some ideas off me about how to adjust some of the things in the script. Shooting is supposed to start mid-December, so I feel very bad for him having to rush this kind of thing, but I have faith in him.

Finally, he said we’d get started. I pulled out my David Lynch costume and was about to start doing my make-up when he appeared surprised. I guess we were just going to take some photos.

Now, I don’t have my pills for my ED right now because switching jobs means switching health insurance. Plus, I didn’t want to make things awkward by bringing up past hang-ups between us regarding the fact that we used to fuck. But as the pictures progressed, and I found myself lying naked on a lounge chair, surrounded by candlelight, red sheets, staring into a mirror, he asked me if I could get an erection. I told him that probably wasn’t very likely.

Then he walked over and kissed me.

Somehow, that woke me up and I was throbbing. The boner photos turned out pretty good, and I was amazed at his skill. He truly is gifted.

And apparently my erectile dysfunction is completely mental. I realized rather quickly that he was seducing me, and afterward, he wanted to continue, but I was not mentally prepared to go back down that road so I left.

I have the photos. They’re very good.


Sleepy-Eyed John November 16, 2023

:)

You live an interesting life.

~Octopussy~ Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ November 16, 2023

It's always been like this. I just jump and see how I land haha

And I'm very insecure about my body, so it was interesting.

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

Right hmmm. Do you make plans too?

~Octopussy~ Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ November 16, 2023

Well, the plans I made in this situation ended up not being what I prepared for, so going with the flow is how to cope with that. I had spent over a week expecting to record a monologue as a character, something I'm familiar with, only to find myself in the situation of being a model. I'm much more comfortable being funny or performing. Being a subject as myself is not a situation I wanted to be in. But I trust Ark so I went with the flow.

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

Hmmmmm right. That's fair.

You perform too?

~Octopussy~ Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ November 16, 2023

I did. I retired almost 10 years ago. My last time on stage was in 2014 and my first time on stage was 1991. It's just the mode that I spent most of my life in. I'm much more real and honest on stage in front of strangers than in a one-on-one conversation and I've been trying to fix that, but it's not going well. Ha

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

I'm trying to learn that.

Present better.

Do you watch theatre? Ever been on TV?

I bet movies are super interesting to you.

~Octopussy~ Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ November 16, 2023

I started in musicals and didn't get any formal acting training until my mid-teens. Mostly I did live theater and any camera work I did was behind-the-scenes. I was kind of a diva and became more selective about my work once I got to my late-teens/early-twenties. That's how I broke off into live music (singing was always what I preferred) and stand-up comedy (I was once on TV for that). But I never wanted fame or success in that way.

That's actually why I chose to go into teaching. Most of my success was as a comedian but I started to hate the narcissism of it. When I teach, it's just like comedy. I'm in front of a captive audience and tell jokes about a topic, but when they leave, they've actually gained knowledge and something that will tangibly improve their lives while I get to fulfill my ego by performing.

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

I'm kinda speechless. That's impressive.

~Octopussy~ Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ November 16, 2023 (edited November 16, 2023)

Edited

Ha thank you, but I think it's just picking up the remnants of a life that was thrust upon me and reconfiguring it into something that works. And that story greatly simplifies a lot of things, but that's what we have to do. How can we take the sow's ear and turn it into a silk purse?

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

Your parents put you in show biz?

What do you mean thrust upon you?

~Octopussy~ Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ November 16, 2023

Most of my early work was in Christian evangelical productions to "serve the Lord"

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

Ugh. My Mom is JW. Thankfully not when me and my brother were young.

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

You could become very useful to me as I try to cultivate this stuff. :)

~Octopussy~ Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ November 16, 2023

Look, I had to take stock of my skillset very early. Was I a good actor? Not particularly. Was I good singer? Better than average but not naturally talented. Was I funny? Meh. My true gift is charisma. If you put a spotlight on me in front of a crowd, I can make people pay attention to me. Those other things require work and dedication to make it worthwhile, but whatever medium I chose, I was moderately successful. So I had to figure how I could take that natural skill to command attention and turn it into something positive. That's all it is. Nobody was going to tell me honestly what I did well or poorly because they want to be "supportive".

I'm not good in social situations. I'm the weird one that nobody wants to talk to. That's hard when they've seen you onstage charming a crowd and now alone being a raisin in person.

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

Okay. Interesting. I'm good at asking questions, writing sometimes, can crack a joke, but not much else.

Why a raisin? Is this why it seems you dislike a lot of people?

~Octopussy~ Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ November 16, 2023 (edited November 16, 2023)

Edited

I say a raisin because it's a sweet, juicy grape that has shriveled up out of the light.

As for why I "dislike" a lot of people, that's mainly because I've learned to trust my instincts and read the vibes of a person. That has to do with that Christian upbringing. Privately, I was often told so-and-so was a "good person" because they loved Jesus, to ignore my gut reaction, only to later discover that they were completely awful people. I trust my instincts but I'm always permeable in that way.

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

Right. Hmmm.

What do you make of me?

~Octopussy~ Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ November 16, 2023 (edited November 16, 2023)

Edited

Vibes are an in-person thing, for the most part. Even someone like Matt (KissofLife! on here) is someone I can only make summary judgments about. We've been reading each other's blogs since around 1999, and I suspect we'd be good friends as we're both the same age, gay, equally slutty, still single at 40 but who knows? Maybe we'd meet in real life and our mutual awkwardness would cancel out any aura between us and we'd hate each other. I'm predisposed to like him because, after 20+ years, I somewhat understand his inner monologue, but maybe I'd get annoyed or vice versa.

Vibes are completely an in-person thing. Don't judge writing, secondhand knowledge or even social media videos.

Sleepy-Eyed John ~Octopussy~ ⋅ November 16, 2023

I understand.

I wish I could be slutty sometimes. But I get no play.

KissOfLife! November 17, 2023

How cool!

Yeah mine's bloody mental too - at least mostly I believe. Just wish I could pinpoint it. That's great he made you hard with a kiss.

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