But I don’t like you anymore…
Got some…info today and I’ve been in my head since.
I reached out to a girl who graduated from group if she’s ever been in an inpatient. She told me her bf is in the facility I’m trying to get into.
It’ll be free for me.
A thirty day vacation might be just what I need.
It’s 10:01 PM and I haven’t touched the PlayStation today. Just too mentally out of it to focus on exploring. Mom just went to bed. I stripped down to my boxers and am now laying here with Triple D on in the background but I’m paying it no mind. Debating on reading a short story or two but maybe I’ll kill the lights and focus on rest. It has been a long day.
I made chicken Caesar wraps tonight. Came to the conclusion this is just mom’s chicken salad in a tortilla. It brought me down for some reason. Now I don’t want to cook them anymore. I guess it’s cause I thought I was doing some unique recipe for dinner and it hit me that it feels kinda lazy. Weird thinking, I know.
Today has put me in a funk. Apparently I’m a drain emotionally. It hurt getting told that and that’s what has been bugging me all day. As if getting told I need to be shipped off to inpatient wasn’t bad enough now all I can think of is I’m toxic. Maybe I am? I know I have my moments and have done some really fucked up things in the past I try to disassociate myself from these days. Rhetorical question that I hate knowing the answer.
Yes I am.
Old habits die hard?
Am I THAT much of an asshole?
Am I lying to myself TRYING to say I’m a good person?
I dunno…I’m going to read and get lost in a forest of fiction for a while.
Last updated September 23, 2023