ONE MORE WEEK! in Life

Okay, I can’t even be excited though… haha. Have to get through birth first!

I am scheduled for a medical induction for Friday, April 28th in the evening. Because of the gestational diabetes and additional ivf risk, and i requested it 39 and 0 because of childcare too, because we barely get to see little one, and I didn’t want to be in the hospital her whole weekend and then she might not even get to meet the baby until her following weekend. So this works out nice, I imagine we will have a baby either way by Monday at some time, and then come home Wednesday or Thursday. It’s absolutely wild that we’ll be starting this process in a week and a day. I don’t even know what to think. I told Chris I wasn’t ready last night and he said “we are ready. you are always ready for anything” which is sweet but I just don’t want to give birth. lol. Plus there’s some things I’d like more organized in the house beforehand. But we have been working pretty hard. my bags packed, the car seat is finally in the car (i didn’t want to do that any earlier because of accident risk since car seat is kaput after an accident), the baby’s room is pretty much done- just a few shelves need hanging. I know it’s all going to be fine and it doesn’t need to be perfect but it feels like it needs to be perfect since i know it’s going to be a few weeks before i’m going to really feel capable of handling everything in the house, since I will be a slave to the baby. Hopefully as a food source is breastfeeding works out. This will be little ones last weekend as an “only” child (Chris does have the two other kids but none of them live with us anymore).

speaking of that, the eldest who moved away with his supposedly former drug addict bf (i suspect he still does drugs though), screwed us on taxes and claimed he was no one’s dependent despite living with us for half the year. i freaked out, and called turbotax and they showed me how to get around it by adding donations to him for everything we paid for. i was up to almost 7k for just basic living- health insurance, “rent”, rides to work/mileage, food, clothing, and it made NO DIFFERENCE in making up for the 500.00 dependent credit. And then i was just more mad. So I told him to call me (we had not been speaking since his last freakout at me because he misunderstood me, that’s always how it is because i think his boyfriend is the one reacting to what i’m saying), and it turns out he did his taxes wrong, and he gave me his info but i still couldn’t fix it, so he lost out on like 130.00 and we lost out on 500.00. I told him to wait and have me do it next time or go to h and r block. Sad that he’s not capable of doing it, I don’t really know how to “break that to him” besides just telling him what to do next time. It won’t benefit us but he could have used that 130.00. anyway the boyfriend kind of apologized to me but also wanted to talk about all the shit that went down with them and i kept trying to stop it. i’m not going to be sasses by a 20 something year old drama kid. I don’t need that in my life. Since then, K has posted two different things implying a break up (this was a week ago), and one thing that looked totally mentally ill (shared something and talked about how his whole life he’s been a “healer” to everyone around him and literally that is not at all true but also something i think you would have if you had grandiose thoughts as part of mental illness....). so that’s really going great. his mother was unhelpable, so i’m just trying not to even think about it- he’s in washington, he chose this route, it’s not our business, and he gets mad anytime he gets the “sense” that i’m wishing he would come back (i’m not though, because we have no room for him and since he did drugs before he left, i can’t have that around the other kids). anyway, what a mess.

Back to baby, had my second NST yesterday and amniotic fluid test, all was well. Then had my ob appt, she is going to be on shift Saturday the 29th, so yay for that, maybe he’ll be delivered by one of the doctors I know and love! She’s pretty matter of fact, seems very intelligent, and I like her style, she seems like she rolls with the punches well. Very personable. I’ve really loved the doctors at this practice, so I’m happy they’re the ones who do the deliveries. Hoping whoever it ends up being it’s one of the ones I know and like already!

It seems to have finally sunk in for chris, and he’s sounding really excited now. Keeps saying “finn’s almost here” and talking to the dog about it. It’s very sweet. When I left for work today (yes I am still commuting 2 hours a day, 2 days a week… lol), Chris said “i love being married to you” :) he is planning on heading back to work after a week off, which is going to be really hard but i’m cosigning this plan because it’s most important that we have our weeks altogether as a family for summer, and he probably wouldn’t be able to take off later for little one’s weeks at our house. it does mean that we’ll still have his 12 weeks together, me him and baby (and little one when we have her), and i am so looking forward to that uninterrupted time as a family. so grateful that we can do it that way because we have my mom to help when i go back to work in the fall, because i know others who took their time apart so they could extend the childcare. Wish we were more like Europe so nobody had to make that choice (plus even my 18 weeks doesn’t feel like enough and I know you get more in some european countries), but feeling blessed that we can work it out this way so that we can be together. Also, not as worried as I might be about finding our way as new parents together, as we already do parent together, even if it’s not full time.

This is going to be one lucky baby!