NJM 4 in Each Day

  • Nov. 4, 2022, 4:11 p.m.
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Describe how you faced a fear, or fears?

I have a staunch thread of defiance when it comes to giving into fear. I have gone my life acting as though I will never let fear prevent me from doing something I want. Except, in the very last entry, I said that I wouldn’t skydive because I’m afraid of heights. It’s just convenient that it’s so fucking expensive to sky dive. I can always say “I’d love to but I can’t afford it”. Granted if someone paid for it, I would literally have to go because I am incapable of backing down. Hahah That was all very absolute but of course I would not give a shit about someone saying “what, are you scared?” if it were something I didn’t see value in.

It’s funny, because the times I have actually stared down my fear (jumping off a bridge into a river as a teen with my friends, driving up to and walking into the Mega for Basic Training), it was like something else took over. My fear wanted to paralyze me but my brain was like, “Nope, I’ve got control here”. And I just… did it. I never thought about what other people were thinking of me. My only thought was of how I could live with myself if I let myself down, by letting fear win.

I’m pretty fucking proud of myself for that.

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