Are they merely memories to recall, or is it more like “living in the past?” in Daydreaming on the Porch
- March 9, 2022, 2:01 p.m.
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- Public
There’s a difference between living in the past and reflecting often on memories from that same past. This is what people (I’m especially thinking of one of my siblings) often view my life in the present as — that I can’t seem to get out of the past. Whereas I am constantly referring to people, places and events from the past, my brother never, ever goes back to his past unless I annoyingly press him about something he might or might not remember from our childhood, adolescence or adulthood. He just doesn’t want to think about it or talk about it. He doesn’t rather obsessively save old papers and essays from high school and college, letters, photos, knick knacks and countless items of what I term “memorabilia.” I treasure those small, seemingly insignificant artifacts of place and time for one simple fact: my memory is not as good as it once was, and these many objects/artifacts of my personal history, stored in every kind of file box and container imaginable, become the innumerable little launchpads into the deep inner space of my past, going back many decades. Looking at them, holding them, skimming or perusing some of the countless documents, books I’ve held onto for decades — all of these things can jolt me back in time instantly. In essence, for me at least, Artifacts”R”Us.
Whenever I make the effort to recapture the past through saved physical objects of any kind, I am literally not merely re-living the past, I am my past. If my brain can’t remember or call up on demand all I’ve said or done and experienced, then my precious memorabilia can certainly facilitate that. For instance, one day when I am gone others can know me or remember me through my abundant writings/journals/diaries and essays that I have written, especially during the last 25 years of regularly keeping an online journal or blog. I also wrote for newspapers for years, so I have a lot of clippings of those articles and I feel sure at least a few of the readers of those stories from decades ago probably still have some of them saved in scrapbooks or attics, if they haven’t been long-ago discarded.
The cumulative experience of thinking about the past — good and bad — as frequently as I have been doing lately, is because for months now i have been cleaning out closets of the family home in preparation for the long-dreaded sale of our house, my home for so many years while I was twking care of my mother.
The fact is, for me getting old means, factually, my life is fast nearing it’s end. How can I not possibly think about and review the past, or “live in the past,” especially when I have so many tangible reminders of it that reveal it to me in minute detail.
Last updated March 09, 2022
Lady of the Bann ⋅ March 09, 2022
Some years but not lately,I have written an entry in the early part of the year, remembering and reflecting on the previous year. This is not living in the past. It is savouring the memory of all that I have done and accomplished. We talk about ‘making memories’ for our old age, for when we can no longer do those things. I think it is a normal healthy way to live.
Oswego Lady of the Bann ⋅ March 10, 2022
Absolutely. In old age we are much more consciously aware of the importance of memory, in part because we can lose it to terrible diseases like dementia. I want to hold onto the good memories as long as possible because they are an absolutely necessary counterbalance to all the bad ones that unjustly skew our lives in negative directions.
Jinn ⋅ March 10, 2022
It’s strange but the older I get, the less I want to remember the past. When I look back it seems it was mostly bad.
Deleted user Jinn ⋅ March 10, 2022
SAME! Heck, I don't even keep my posts up for more than a few months at at ime. I have friends who have diaries going back 20 years, and one remarked that looking back on hers, she was kind of embarrassed about what she wrote. She said it sounded so immature, superficial, and so on. I said it seems that way now, but to look at all the fun she had, time filled with friends, fun coworkers, dates, how she met her husband, etc. I said "You have a life worth remembering."
I can't really say the same.
Oswego Deleted user ⋅ March 10, 2022
You have a rich lifetime of memories, I’m sure! We all have a combination of good and bad memories, but unfortunately the bad, bad memories are so very easy to recall. But sometimes I deliberately recall them as a reality check, and to see how much better things are now compared to then.
If I find I need to recall the good times, friends, family gatherings and peak experiences, I can choose at random any one of my many boxes and files of memorabilia. 😎😊
Jinn Deleted user ⋅ March 10, 2022
There were good times in my past but they were overshadowed in my head by uncertainties, stress, family dysfunction, Illness , trauma, depression, financial problems and horrible world events . Death. Even summing them up makes me feel a little sick.
Oswego Jinn ⋅ March 10, 2022
It's strange, but I’m kind of numb about the traumatic bad events and memories in my past. Thinking about them, while unpleasant, allows me to see myself as fully human and complete. I really pity people who have not experienced the purgative fires of suffering and loss, or else turn away completely from those painful chapters in their lives. Great progress spiritually comes through suffering. I’ve believed that most of my life.
And I also think those people with perpetually sunny dispositions are hiding a lot deep inside their innermost selves.
Jinn Oswego ⋅ March 10, 2022
Very true on all counts and I hope I have learned from my experiences . I think depression ( which is a true illness ) makes some people remember / relive those bad experiences more vividly than others. It does not take a whole lot to trigger a flood of bad :-( Moving forward is the only option but remembering the bad ( if you have difficulty putting it in proper perspective , and I do ) saps the energy right out of me. I like remembering the good but the bad seems to always be on the heels of a good memory. :-( These days I try to focus on today and a little on tomorrow. :-) It keeps me getting up most days. 😂
Jinn Oswego ⋅ March 10, 2022
Sometimes an old photograph, an old friend, an old letter will remind you that you are not who you once were, for the person who dwelt among them, valued this, chose that, wrote thus, no longer exists. Without noticing it you have traversed a great distance; the strange has become familiar and the familiar if not strange at least awkward or uncomfortable, an outgrown garment.
Rebecca Solnit
Oswego Jinn ⋅ March 10, 2022
I love Rebecca Solnit’s writing.
True, we are not who we once were. I sometimes look at or read artifacts from my past and see myself in those, except more worried and anxious back then. It’s a strange sensation to wonder how actually different a person I am not, or conversely that I haven’t really changed at all. 🤔
ConnieK ⋅ March 12, 2022
Your brother may have had a trauma in his childhood that you know nothing about and your remembrances are his trigger. My husband has a friend who lives his glory days over and over and the stories become more elaborate with each telling.
I think the difference between fond memories and living in the past is how much time you devote to it. Only you can determine that.
I have good memories and bad memories. I'm grateful for every experience because it has shaped me into the person I am and I kinda like her. Yes, my living years are running out, but it doesn't make me nostalgic for the past. It makes me anxious to do more: write more, spread hope more, give more of me, bake more, donate more, etc. As for possessions, my boys don't want them so they're all going to my foster daughter or the dump.