Well, at least I did lift. in The Napkin.
- Feb. 17, 2022, 2:58 p.m.
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- Public
My avoidant tendencies are flaring up again. I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. Slept just fine, but still. I annotate these things.
As (almost) expected, had a touch of gym anxiety. See, playing-it-forward can be useful. Allowed you to assess potentially bad decisions and avoid pitfalls. It can allow you to see how one action is a building block towards a bigger goal. A checkpoint on the way to delayed gratification.
It can also psyche you out. “But if I don’t quite do this here, then that throws SIX MONTHS down a day or a week or a month…”
Ha ha.
For example, I even wrote out how many months it would take to deadlift 315 for reps, assuming I increase 10 lbs per cycle. It’s not unreasonable - I can pull it for a single currently. Ah, but then my brain goes “what if you struggle in this month? You’d be set back AN ENTIRE MONTH. What if you redline and can’t make any progress at all?”
Good ol’ paralysis by analysis.
This is why deloads, fatigue management, and/or planned rest is important. Vacation is in a week and a half, so at least I have the third down. I should probably finalize flight plans and lodging. I mean, I paid for the trip itself two years ago. Just the small details now.
Like I said, avoidant.
I got all worried “what if I can’t hit my lifts today?” I was able to reason with myself that even if I was off by a rep or two, it would still be stimulus. That I was overthinking, and I would be fine. I guess it’s because as you get stronger, you deal with heavier weights. Takes time for those heavier weights to feel lighter.
Example: 15 years ago, an 85 lb squat would crush me. Now, 135 lbs on my back feels like nothing. Just a warm-up.
Whelp, I did get through my session, and I did hit the marks I needed to. Just another page in the log. Just another step away from death, and towards looking good naked.
(Week 5, Upper A, if that means anything; I still generally don’t post my workouts here as most can’t translate it.)
I basically have a snow day in my pocket, so I’ll either deadlift tomorrow, or take the day off. A lot can happen between now and then. Deadlifts are highly mental. Lack of focus = shit pulls.
Anyway. Got some chicken thighs in the oven. Professional ‘teins in my mouth = fuel for recovery.
Last updated February 17, 2022
Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ February 17, 2022
Sometimes I wonder what kid of motivation would actually work for me.
The sink costs doesn't work bc I have cycled in an out of fitness so many times it's not a motivator to avoid it.
The not dying sooner... Also meh. Lol. I already look good unfit which is both a blessing and a curse.
The only thing that has worked for me is to be good at something.
Timmy™ Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ February 17, 2022
It's less about motivation, the "Rocky Montage", and more about routine.
Aside from knowing I can move inanimate objects, I get something out of the logs. The incremental progress. The physical pages. "Look. I DID something."
Means something a bit different now, since I've been so unhealthy in recent years.