My son cried, my daughter cried, I cried, WE ALL CRIED today in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS

I swear, I cannot make this stuff up. I am BEYOND exhausted.

My daughter slept in a bit this morning, so I woke her up because today was THE day…the day that she was to start her ADHD medicine. I’ve been putting off even discussing ADHD this passed school year. It wasn’t until she started to get progressively worse, and I was starting to actually see the effects in her school day and day to day life. Once I realized that she was actually struggling to focus versus that she wasn’t always just outright being DEFIANT then I started to really look into the pros and cons of even pursuing this. ANYWAY, so she took the pill this morning, but I’ll tell you guys what....I WILL NOT SIT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY OF MY CHILD FEELING THE WAY SHE FELT TODAY. I feel helpless. My child was a completely different child today. The first few times she cried were cute and sweet, but she continued to cry…and it got severely worse as the day went on. As a mother I felt it in my soul. I called the doctor midway through the day and told her that my child had been excessively emotional all day. She was also battling extreme dry mouth. For a 6 year old, she was completely out of her element and in a panic and anxiety ridden state all day. I mean, I FELT horrible. If anything, I was more exhausted than I usually am. Everything was worse. Anyway, the doctor said to give it 3 days. I agreed. However, as the day went on so did the complaints. Stomach pain, inconsolable tears....my daughter that normally cannot keep her hands off of me (in a good way), wouldn’t even give mommy a tight squeeze (bear hug). I was completely heartbroken and in tears. She went on and on about how she didn’t understand why she was so upset and that she felt like she would never be happy again. MY HEART COMPLETELY BROKE. I was scared, so I cannot even begin to imagine how scared she was. She has come down from the most extreme of it, but her mouth is still dry and she is still overly clingy (more than usual which is A LOT) and could cry at the snap of a finger. There’s no way in hell, I’m going to give that to her another day.

It has me contemplating everything. I understand that this is how medication works and that you have to start somewhere, and try different dosages, or try different types until you find the right thing. I just was hoping that we would maybe hit the nail on the head on the first try. How naïve of me.

My 2 year old has had a very trying day today as well. Potty training is so hard with him! I’m just so overwhelmed. Also, he hates to have his curly hair combed, but he loves to put things on his head and scoot his curls across the dog hair ridden floors. Knots and lent galore! I feel like it’s a WWE match every single time. I feel so horrible for him because he pulls away mid brush stroke and I just end up having to yank his hair to just get it done. My daughter has really curly and knotty hair too, so usually its a screaming match for both of them. Today, she wanted to be strong for him. His tshirt was drenched in sweat from fighting me so hard while trying to comb his hair.

Can I just go back to my normal life tomorrow? Oh wait…

I’m just coming back to edit this because I’m wondering if anyone reading this also has any advice on dating as a single parent? My significant other and I ha above been together for a year now, and I feel like sometimes he is just as childish as my children. He’ll go back and forth with them tit for tat or he’ll egg on my daughter or SOMETHING....I’m just so over it. Obviously my children come first, but dealing with this is so new to me. When I’ve talked to my mom about it, she said that it was the same way with my ex step dad and us (we were a tiny bit older than my kids though). If I run a quick errand to the store I feel like I come home and he tattles and then my child tattles…and it’s never anything major just a bunch of back and forth. He doesn’t have any biological children, so quite often I have conversations with him about kids just being kids. It doesn’t matter how strict his parents were, that’s not my style of parenting....and my kids are not he and his siblings. There is no blanket style of parenting that works for all families. I choose to love the hell out of my kids. That’s my parenting style. I’m not that GREAT on discipline, but I’ve got the love part covered. I just feel like I’m constantly being criticized for not being more strict. We talk about it. I point it out when I feel like he’s criticizing, but he says that I say that every time he speaks anything about my kids.

No one in real life would ever believe that he and I have disagreements, nor would anyone believe that he’s not Mr. Perfect because he’s in a wheelchair, and a man in a wheelchair can do no wrong? (side eye) I’m just tired all around. Maybe it being almost time for back to school (which means back to work for me) is a GOOD thing for all of us. We allllll need something else to do other than sit at home and annoy each other. My daughter is the only one with something to do this summer, and I felt bad for even putting her in camp because the rest of us would just be home. However, it’s been good for her. It’s been good for all of us to have a break, and she does so much more at camp than I’d do at home anyways. However, she always thinks that me and little brother do all kinds of cool things without her. Sometimes we do, but I also did all kinds of cool things with her at that age before he was born.

Okay, she’s talking my head off now. She’s being herself. I’ve never been so excited to have my head talked off. She’s going on and on about how she wishes everything (even our eyes) was chocolate…and it’s 9:30PM.

Last updated July 22, 2021