I don’t know that I have it in me to explain it all but the videos in the previous entry show all of the Hershey adventure.
We picked her up from school on her last day, it was a 2 to 3 hour drive to the Hershey Lodge where we basically used the pool and slept overnight. I was comfortable in my bathing suit, that’s all I needed.
I didn’t post a bunch of pictures of me in the bathing suit but I got to look at my body a bit. My thighs are getting loose but they are only kinda wrinkly right near the crotch/inner thigh area - which is why I’m happy I wore shorts. Of course my arms are like pudding but I just can’t combat the loose skin that will come from the fat I lose in my large arms…
I have no illusions about being young enough that the skin will just snap back into place. I’ve seen enough before and after’s from losing 100+ lbs that I know what’s coming.
Then it was the Hersey Gardens, finally the Hershey park and then home. We got a stroller for Emma and it’s a good thing cause that park is big and hilly. We were walking pretty slow pushing that kid around. I did get in a few rides - the kids rides were tight but I fit. They didn’t make me use the seat belts. I think because the kids rides aren’t rough enough to throw a 200lbs person out so I just had to hold on and they were ok with that.
What I’ve discovered is - that kid don’t like rides. She had more fun at the pool and arcade than any actual ride. I think we went on 4 rides in the park. And 1 was actually a 4D theater thing.
There was a water park but we hadn’t planned for that so I didn’t even get to see it. Maybe if we went to the Hershey waterpark it would have been better for her but we’re going to Camelback waterpark next month so we’ll see how she fairs.
The worst thing for me is that I overdid it with milkshakes and literally had to excuse myself to the bathroom to vomit twice.
I don’t know when my my mind will ever realize the actual size of my stomach.
There’s a bunch of memes that say something along the lines that Weight Loss Surgery Doesn’t Cure Food Addiction.
I still have times where I over do it with food just cause it’s a bad habit I need to get out of my brain. I need to stop and think when sugar is present. I just wasn’t thinking at that moment when milkshakes got the best of me.
But it was towards the end of the day and didn’t ruin the trip.
When we got home we did cake and presents. My parents and nana gave me money. The best present of all LOL.
So Yes there was lots of candy and there were melt downs at the park but on the whole, Emma was pretty good. And what I loved that I learned just from watching her is how PRESENT she is - as I guess all children are.
When you are an adult, and time is money, and you’re planning a vacation so you have things booked at certain times, etc. It doesn’t even have to be a vacation. You have to be at work at a certain time, activities, cook dinner, etc. So as an adult you’re always forward thinking and not ever really IN the present moment. You gotta take care of what’s next.
I am a planner and I love to fill my day with things on a vacation and I AM always running to the next thing and not wanting to be late and getting the best seat, etc. And I like experiencing as much as I can, esp. in a new place. There’s never enough time for everything I want to experience.
But anywhere we took Emma we were practically pulling her along cause she wanted to be in the moment of where she was and she didn’t care what the next thing was, no matter how fun it could be. If she was having fun where she was, she didn’t want to move to the next thing.
Like, when we went to the garden, she didn’t want to walk the whole thing and check the map for the good stuff like my parents did. She wanted to run around without a schedule and pick up fallen flower petals and play pretend.
She would have spent the whole day just smelling flowers.
She has no concept of time and that we kinda had to get through the garden to get to Hershey park next.
And part of me wished that we could just let her be there in the garden but park tickets are expensive and we wanted to make the most of the day.
Even on the way to the park. We had parked and we were walking the sidewalk to the park and we could see the Hershey sign and hear the rides and see crowds of people walking with us to the same park and she busy watching ants on the sidewalk - like she could have been there 30 minutes following ants right outside the damn park and not cared when / if she went in.
And on one hand it’s aggravating but on the other hand it’s a lesson in patience and gratitude and being present in the moment that I guess all adults need.
To go to a place and not have a time frame to actually DO anything. To not be speeding (while driving or walking) to whatever destination and just walk at a leisurely pace and pay attention to whatever grabs your attention in that moment and not pull yourself away because of an appointment or time slot.
To spend an hour looking at clouds or a stream in your own back yard or your own town. To pay attention to things you pass by and miss everyday.
It just really hit me how much I don’t do that and how important it is.
And I don’t know how I’m going to become more present and not feel like I’m “wasting time”, which is a real hang up for me.
Because I feel like I have SO MUCH to do that I can’t “waste time” watching clouds, you know? BUT I also spend a lot of time watching TV and watching my phone so…
It’s just hard to feel like I have time to slow down. I chronically think I don’t have enough time…
ANYWAY So that was Thursday and Friday. Saturday I basically relaxed until it was time to ride with Will into Sunday. He did give me my Dyson hair dryer which is awesome and I opened my sis’s present, which was a callus grinder. It is really powerful. I wanted it for my heels which are often kinda dry unless I’m lotioning them multiple times. Both products work really well.
Sunday was my actual birthday. I watched Emma at soccer before she went to the asshole (who did wish me a happy birthday), took a walk with my parents, actually went shopping but only got new exercise pants (in a 1x!!!), and did other random things till it was time for my surprise birthday dinner with Will, Teach, my sis and her bf.
Also my work bestie from my last job called, still lamenting about the bad situation I left. She said there’s more work, less people, etc. she’s unhappy but she just bought a condo and her son is starting college soon so she’s afraid to rock the boat and leave. She’s also hoping that since they laid off some people (suspiciously all old people near retirement) that maybe she could get promoted and more money -we’ll see…
We were both looking to leave at the same time but I did and she didn’t. She’s just afraid to make the jump and learn new things. She’s not that much older than me but I don’t know if she’ll ever leave..
We first went to a vegan mex place which was actually really good. All the meat eaters were happy with their selections - except dessert. My sister ordered a slice of vegan flan and it just wasn’t it - at all - we threw it away, no one wanted it.
Then we went to Stumpy’s, which is an axe throwing chain around here. My first time and it was hella hard!
I think I was nervous about the whole thing, throwing an axe near my friends and family LOL and then there is instruction on how to stand, step, swing and throw and when to let go, etc. plus it’s gotta be hard enough to actually stick in the wood and straight enough that it doesn’t bounce back to you!
We all got the axe in the board a couple of times but most of the time the axe didn’t stick. we had a good time anyway and the instructor was very cool.
Then we took a walk on the beach - we were in south NJ anyway - and put our feet in the coooooold water. By then it was like 8pm so the water was cold.
I really, really liked my birthday weekend.
I also liked, symbolically, everything that went on.
More spiritual people call the birthday your “solar return” basically back to the date of your birth and they say for your birthday you’re supposed to do everything you want represented in your future year.
So for me being with my family, husband, and my best friend, doing all these fun foods, locations, the beach, etc. Basically if every day of the year going forward had elements of this birthday weekend, I’d be set.
Although I know some people have bad birthdays and I don’t want that to mean that your next year will be shitty if your birthday was shitty. It’s just a thought that experiencing things you want to bring into your next year with people you want to have with you into your next year is a good idea. And that you shouldn’t do things you don’t want to do, or be with people you don’t like during your birthday.
AND after all the french fries and ice cream and chocolate and mexican food, I still lost a lb. I cannot understand HOW - I mean yes there was a lot of walking but at a very slow pace. There was no rain the whole time so we had great weather as well where we sweated a lot but I didn’t expect a loss after it all.
Now I’m at work and I’m a little tired but I’ll make it.
Last updated June 28, 2021