Summer stress. in Since OD is shutting down....

School lets out in a month and I’m in need of a sitter that I can trust that’s reliable that isn’t going to have my daughter around people that I don’t trust. I am just going to spit nails if I have to put her back in daycare because it’s a year long commitment, they can’t keep track of her shit, it’s expensive and it’s just a nightmare.

I really want my Mom to watch her but then there’s problems with that. I would want my Mom to watch her at my house but then I have to worry about her eating all of our food like before and I just know after so long, she would tell me that my daughter has to be at her house and that is not something I am even willing to consider.

We went to their house yesterday and my Dad starting getting loud and having the biggest potty mouth right in front of my child so again, my kid can’t be around him! I know I’m going to mention this to my Mom and she’s probably going to act like it’s not that big of a deal but it’s extremely problematic. I’m not going to act like I never drop the F-bomb because I do but it’s not every other damn word either!

I just wish their was more options than just daycare. I also want my daughter to be back in school in September so if she goes back to daycare, school is pretty much out. I like school because she’s just getting so much out of it, they can keep track of her shit, it’s affordable and I like being home with her in the evenings and on weekends. All of this is extremely stressful.

I have had a very good, productive day. I sold some more clothes, picked up my stuff from the post office, got groceries, and did some dashing. I just know the clock is ticking for me to get something figured out. I’m going to make a couple of calls tomorrow and hopefully there will be something because I really don’t want to do the daycare thing. I just feel like I’m delaying the inevitable.

It also pisses me off that I get to worry about it all by myself. I really get sick of this single Mom thing especially when her ‘Dad’ works part time and lives 2 blocks away. He still isn’t reliable and super mean. Just the other night he was calling me names and telling me to go off myself. I am so tired of dealing with a selfish ass immature person and I just can’t forgive myself for creating a child with him.

I also know that I’m not willing to kiss his ass to get him to watch her nor am I going to allow him to watch her at my house. He has stolen money and my bracelets oh and he lies about everything so there is absolutely no way I can rely on him either.

My anxiety is just through the fucking roof. It’s sad that I have to be more worried about having childcare before finding a job. There’s plenty of places that are hiring but no one has gotten back to me so I’m not really sure how much need there really is for employees. I almost want to ask if I can go back to my old job simply so that the only thing I have to be concerned with is childcare.

Ugh, anyways. I must get my child a bath and get her settled. More later.