Things change. in Since OD is shutting down....

So a few things have been going on recently. BD has been around some. He has been taking our child to do fun things and spending some time with her. He’s still not understanding that kids are an actual responsibility, not just a fun play toy. School lets out in a month and I’m going to have to figure out childcare. I emailed them and yeah, as soon as I apply and get approved, I’m on the hook for that co-pay for a fucking year. It would be great if I could rely on him or his family but I know that she’ll be going back to daycare.

My Mom is forever telling me that I don’t have to work but I miss it and I’ve already been without a job long enough. She came and watched the kids Friday night and then my daughter was to go to her house Saturday night but her aunt on her Dad’s side watched her. I just don’t want my child around my Dad and I’m not going to sacrifice her safety and well being so that I can get a break.

It’s really frustrating that my Mom is always asking for my kid to go to their house even though she knows why I say no and have continued to say no all along. My brother told me that the other day my Dad was getting short with my kid and my Mom cut him off right away but it bothers me that she never said a damn word to me about it so it makes me wonder what else could have happened that she never told me. I feel like things could have happened and she’s not going to let me know because then I’d have even more reasons for my child to not be at their house.

She just can’t see how abusive/weird my Dad is and I honestly feel that she’s toxic by proxy. I was pissed the other night when she sent my little brother and I to get dinner and right as we walked out the door, I heard her ask my daughter if she wanted to take a bath. I still don’t know if my Dad was in the bathroom while my kid was in there without clothes on but again, I just can’t have him around her. I’m sorry if my Mom doesn’t get it but I’m not going to allow him to hurt her.

I honestly know my Dad has a lot of issues and never got help so I am going to protect my daughter at all costs. My Mom just acts like it’s not a big deal but it is for me. I let her know the other day if he does anything to her, I will be going to the authorities. I find it really fucked up that my Mom went back to him to begin with and just kinda expects us to trust that he’s not going to harm our children. She reassures me that she watches my kid every second but my daughter doesn’t need to be in a house where you would have to worry what could happen. My Dad is either screaming at her or doesn’t respect her personal boundaries.

My Mom has made a lot of terrible choices and being with my Dad, she needs to learn that there’s going to be drawbacks for that. I had an interview today and if I get hired, I’m going to try and just work while she’s in school and then put her back in daycare. I have to have safe, reliable care for my child. It’s unfortunate that my Mom can’t help, mainly because she doesn’t want to watch my kid at my house but at hers and I’m not going along with that. I’m not going to be in a situation where I have to go along with things I’m not comfortable with because I’m trying to work and be productive.

I know what I grew up dealing with and I’m not going to have it for my own kid. My Mom said to me the other day, “why do you get to make all the rules” uh because this is MY KID and I’m going to keep her safe?! I’m not going to have her around someone that I don’t feel comfortable with and just go on blind faith that he’s not going to harm her. I don’t know if my Mom is just slowing slipping back into being brainwashed or what the issue is, but I’m going to keep repeating myself until she realizes I’m not going to give in.