Picture it. Jersey. Mid-naughts. Someone’s apartment. A dozen or so Jerseyians. Or is it Jerseyites. (Whatever.) Cuddle Party.
For the uninitiated, Cuddle Party is a safe space to practice consent. Huh. I should just pull up the “rules” that were communicated by V at the beginning of the session. All common sense, but sometimes it is important to be direct.
Pajamas stay on the whole time.
You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.
You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone. (Be as specific in your request as you can.)
If you’re a yes, say YES. If you’re a no, say NO.
If you’re a maybe, say NO.
You are encouraged to change your mind.
Respect your relationship agreements and communicate with your partner.
Get your Cuddle Party Facilitator or the Cuddle Assistant if you have a question or concern or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party.
Tears and laughter are both welcome.
Respect people’s privacy when sharing about Cuddle Parties.
Keep the Cuddle space tidy
There was something else V said. An addendum, if you will.
She expressed that it is okay to have an erection. It is okay to have vaginal lubrication. It is okay to be aroused. Just don’t do anything about it.
She expressed that if you want to leave and have FUNHAPPYTIMES (my words, not hers), that is your business.
Okay, the session.
I was very stand-offish, and keeping to myself. Probably arms folded. I recall spending a lot of time sitting on the floor by a couch, right by V’s legs. As she was scanning the room to watch over everyone.
There is this cute girl, K.
I just assumed I would be rejected. But I thought I’d give it a shot. Because if she says no, she says no, and I will respect her no.
Wait, did this start on the floor or a couch? More is coming back to me.
She was laying on the floor, facedown, and I asked effectively “May I please lay on top of you?”
And she consented.
Her bum fit so nicely right against my pelvis. She has a slightly smaller stature than I do. I recall wrapping my arms around her at some point. And then asking effectively “Is my arm placement making you feel uncomfortable?”
She replied that she felt comfortable.
I relaxed further.
Then M asked if she could lay on top of us. We consented. M is heavier than either of us. And it was awesome.
It was awesome. Feeling her weight on top of me, combined with the warmth/presence of K under me.
I relaxed further.
We just laid there. A TimmySandwich, though we didn’t have the term yet.
Just relaxed there for quite a long time. Half hour? Hour? I was zoned out, so relaxed that I wasn’t paying attention to the concept of time.
Oh, and thankfully, no erection. While permitted, I would have felt embarrassed. And. Well. If a guy is laying on top of you and gets an erection, SOMETHING will cross your mind.
M eventually left our cuddle pile. And K and I just laid there, me on top of her, my arms around her. And while everyone else was chatting and doing their thing, K and I laid quietly on the floor, not saying much.
I think the only thing that broke our position was V announcing it was the end of the session, and it was time for THE FINAL CUDDLEPILE.
It’s when everyone in the room, if they choose, just cuddlepiles on top of each other. Wanna be on the bottom? Sure. Wanna plop on top? Go for it. Wanna stand in the corner? You do you.
I believe I was somewhere on the bottom. Feeling that weight was so nice.
Whatever time later, I was on campus in the student center. I asked M if I could sit on her lap. She consented, and I sat on her lap. Yay! I fathom she put her arms around my waist. And then K came by.
K asked if she could sit on my lap.
OF COURSE I SAID YES.
K & M @ CCM - the TimmySandwich.
It was someone else who coined the term. I really don’t remember who did.
Having TimmySandwiches are easily the best experiences of my life. It is obvious how deeply Cuddle Party has impacted me. In all the best ways.
So much so that while walking beside her in CCM, I asked K if I ever made her feel uncomfortable, recounting our Cuddle Party experience. I didn’t know the word postcare yet, but that’s clearly what I did. She expressed to me that I was.... very respectful, and checking in on her frequently.
Thank you, K & M @ CCM. I love you both.
Last updated 3 days ago