That Tears It in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020
- Nov. 30, 2020, 1:29 p.m.
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Call me judgmental but… I sent this to my therapist:
Condensing: I need and want to treat Therapy like a Battle Strategy because I like knowing I’m making progress. And this year “progress” in anything seems foreign. Like… it seems my entire existence has become “Someday” “When COVID is over” “After all of this”… and that’s personal, social, and professional. Everything is just… waiting for COVID to be over. And don’t say “People are starting relationships during COVID” because I know that well and it doesn’t help. Defendants have found partners during COVID, Nancy found a partner during COVID, many of the people in my social circle have found a partner during COVID. So I want to focus on healing the areas that need it and building a path forward. Areas I think I need to heal in?
(1) Trauma from the Marriage… a lifetime of “less than” thinking coupled with 10 years of active rejection including derision and mockery for wanting intimacy or romance in my marriage.
(2) I can love myself and be confident in myself but the drum beat of unwanted weighs heavily on me. It was a massive element of my last 15 years and has really only been repeated heavily this year.
(3) Dealing with the relentless extended trauma of COVID isolation and the knowledge that all of my social avenues for co-mingling with friends, making new friends, or dare I say starting a relationship seem utterly cut off from me.
Because with some of my professional downtime today, I wanted to think… “Plan the next month. How do you want to end 2020? What steps do you need to take to make a better 2021?” And as it fell to those 3 elements… I was at a loss. Other than prayer, meditation, and reading… I don’t exactly have an action plan to wellness.
That is what I sent her… Her response:
Wait! The answer IS prayer & meditation (listeing to that still small voice) Exactly!
I promise you, please listen to this book today “Conscious Uncoupling
SO… definitely wondering how I can go about contacting BetterHelp admins and discussing maybe needing to change therapists.
woman in the moon ⋅ November 30, 2020
Better Help is a sponsor of Talking Sopranos podcast... of which I am a devotee.
Amaryllis ⋅ November 30, 2020
Your therapist sounds awful. Have you considered looking for someone who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy? That tends to be the 'battle plan' type.
Pretend Mulling Amaryllis ⋅ November 30, 2020
^^Was going to suggest this. Plus, anyone who automatically trots out "prayer and meditation" in response to all inquiries isn't listening in the first place.
Rivercity ⋅ November 30, 2020
Yes. I hope your next one is better.
DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ November 30, 2020 (edited November 30, 2020)
Edited
While I believe you need something more than what this therapist is doing for you, I would urge you to consider reading the book while looking for a new therapist. Its concept is a bit new age and not all bad, because (from what I understand) it focuses first on you and defining yourself outside of others definitions of you. For one stuck in "never good enough", it may not be "THE" answer but may have snippets of insight.
I dunno. That's me. I like using every resource available and piece together the good stuff.
You absolutely need a new therapist who is engaged. I was told once that intelligent people can sometimes have a difficult time finding the right therapist. I felt patronized when I went to one and it wasn't done intentionally. I think anyone aware of psychology and methods, etc., it's difficult to allow yourself to be guided.
I agree with others who say that CBT may be best for someone like you. Prayer and meditation have its place in mindfulness, but it is certainly not what is going to pull you through to the other side. Most of us don't sit and meditate or pray, even as Christians, and magically come out with an epiphany that makes all the past patterns disappear. Guidance is needed. From someone who can help you come up with strategies to heal and develop healthy boundaries.
caramelchicken ⋅ November 30, 2020
Oh FFS. I would've wanted to throw the computer out the window in reaction to that response!
feels like hope ⋅ November 30, 2020
That’s an unprofessional response, in my opinion. It reads like something a well meaning friend would send you rather than a mental health professional.