ASM in Reconstruction

  • Oct. 4, 2020, 1:14 p.m.
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  • Public

I’m asking all social media: When a problem cannot be solved with anything other than patience, but there is still pain or hardship… what is the limit on “discussing it?” Is there a time where “enough is enough” or should one feel free to communicate whenever?

AppleGirl October 04, 2020 (edited October 04, 2020)


Death, abandonment, abuse. I don’t think there is a limit on how long it may affect you or whether you can/should discuss it as long as the discussion is healthy and you are moving through the stages of grief.

I still find myself thinking about and sometimes discussing my childhood abuse, but now I can do it much more objectively and retrospectively rather than saying (and meaning) things like, “If I could kill my stepmom and get away with it, I would.”

If I were still angry or raging about it, that would be unhealthy.

Camdengirl October 04, 2020

I’m not super patient about this, because even when a situation just needs time, you can do a lot to help yourself.

What bugs me is when my mum asks for advice, refuses to follow it and then asks me about the same thing a week later... we already had this conversation and she’s ignored what I said. There’s no point in repeating it.

If someone can’t move past something, then they need help from a professional - having someone without a horse in the race to listen to you, ask insightful questions etc. is useful.

girl in recession Camdengirl ⋅ October 04, 2020

Yes this. Professional help 100%. If someone in my life has come to me with the same issue multiple times, I say something like, I'm so sorry this is happening to you/you feel this way still, since I remember you telling me about this several times before, but I have to be honest, I have no constructive advice to give...and end the conversation in that type of way and change the subject. I'm not anybody's emotional crutch and I don't have all the answers. None of us do. It is extremely emotionally taxing for me to be taking on someone else's traumas. I have enough of my own.

-d Camdengirl ⋅ October 04, 2020

I agree with this as well. I think people are free to talk about whatever they want as much as they want....but there will come a point where it becomes annoying for other people to listen to. Especially if the person doesn't take steps to alleviate the issue. I believe everyone has the power to change the things they don't like in their's just a matter of being willing to put in the work. And if it's a situation that will only remedy itself with time...but is painful? I think looking at it with an optimistic perspective could work wonders. Focusing on the negative just makes it that much worse. Plus...people generally get far less annoyed hearing about hope than why everything isn't working and why it can't be changed.

girl in recession October 04, 2020

I think that's when a therapist becomes important. It's not the job of anyone in my life (bf, parents, siblings, other family, close friends) to be my emotional crutch for weeks/months over the same issue, especially when they know about it and have expressed their sympathies already and can do nothing constructive to improve the situation.

Always Laughing October 04, 2020

With my bffs no limit with people not as close I tend to not over talk anything because it's not their place to help me.

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