Explosion in First entry

So yesterday I released the retainer for my attorney. I debated for a few days, but I finally decided it needed to happen to protect my kids. I knew it would hurt her, but I didn’t have a choice. I just kept playing the conversations where I told her I didn’t want her convict boyfriend around my kids. He just got out of prison for drugs last November and he was arrested for fighting this past March. She said every time, “that’s not your call. There nothing you can do about that.” If she wants to ruin her life, so be it, but my kids didn’t sign on for this.
Well, yesterday afternoon, she told me she had placed an offer on a house and it was accepted. She needed me to sign a document. I told her I needed time to process it and to send it to me. She sent it this morning and told me she was signing her loan documents at 2 and we would sign that document after I got off work. I tell her to give me the weekend. She lost it and started telling me she didn’t care if I sign it or not. She was gong to buy the house and I would be responsible for the debt. My attorney disagrees.

Well fast forward 2 hours. She saw the retainer on the credit card and lost her stuff. She said it would affect her loan and demanded I cancel it. I told her I couldn’t. She continued to lose it. Telling me she was going to have me charged with fraud and so on. She finally fell into telling me I don’t love her and she will never believe me when I say that again. I just kept telling her I love her. I don’t want this. She started this in motion. She have been the one to constantly betray me. She is the one that repeatedly lied to me. I have been faithful. I have been trusting and I have repeatedly taken the pain she was inflicting on me. Now I have to protect my children. She isn’t thinking correctly. She thinks she is in love. She isn’t recognizing the danger and instability he offers. She doesn’t recognize he has spent almost 75% of the last 20 years in prison. She’s in love. I am past being sad. I am past being weak. I am picking up the pieces for my children and myself.

Last night I looked at my finances. I think I can carry the house and the rest of the bills. It will be challenging and I will have to stick to a tight budget. I would still have about 500 bucks a month of unassigned cash if necessary to cover any overruns or unexpected expenses. I am not sure how long I will stay here, but right now, it looks like it will be for a year or so as the kids adjust to her decision to leave. The good news is they can stay in their beds and school and have some sense of normalcy. The truth is I’ve never wanted this house. It’s beautiful, but as of today, I feel the same as I felt when I first saw it. It’s too big. We don’t need a house this big. It’s 3k sq ft. Who needs that much space? Once I feel the kids are ready, I will sell it and she can have her portion of the equity. If she wants, she can force the issue and I will be forced to sell. It only hurts the kids. Going to a cheaper and smaller house will place me in a much better financial position. We will see. She hasn’t put us first through this entire process.

Last updated July 19, 2020