Resolve in First entry

Over the last couple days I have come a long ways. I have regained my hope and processed things more. Right now I’m stuck alone in my hotel room. I feel so lonely. Nothing here but my pain and loneliness. What I am trying to do is to let go. Not let go of hope, but I know I need to stop trying to cling to her. It hurts, I’m scared. It’s been a weird couple of days. I have pulled back on reaching out. She has reached out to me the last step days. I’m getting mixed messages. She asks if we should sell our goats, I said I think we should keep them so we can breed them and she said thays a good idea. I told her I love her and she says it back. She has said it everytime we hang up or the few responses i send to her texts. Why would she still be willing to make plans together on the future? Why would she say I love you back? Why when we were good did she say “Thank you for not giving up on me. I do love you too and am very thankful for you.” I feel she is torn. How do I nurture her and help her chose to work and give it time?

I’ve been watching more videos, trying to grow myself and I realized I have a controlling personality. I dont feel I’m controlling in the toxic extreme way. I have strong beliefs and I haven’t taken her opinion in enough. I like to solve the problem and I stand strongly on my reasons. I know communication has been our issue for us and I am working to learn how to communicate better. I can’t wait to be at home to see my kids. I am trying to untether from her so I will not cling to her and give her her space. It’s just going to have to take some time. If you believe in God pray that Satan loses grip of her heart and the conviction of the spirit moves in. We need prayer and healing.