Random musings put together in Maze of my mind

it’s been a tiring week nevertheless despite not stepping out of house, I can’t believe my entrance exam is so near but there is a possibility that it may get cancelled. Truth to be told a date has not been decided yet but many assume it will take place in July, so I am quite stressed, add everyday bouts of anxiety and it gets too restless. Apart from that, my sister’s birthday was yesterday, we didn’t celebrate a party because it was not possible but she got her gifts and cake alright.
I feel these days I am craving for meaningful conversations, like not just a casual greeting r hello but some productive conversation with someone, anyone whose interests are somewhat similar to mine, I want to have an intelligent conversation, to talk science and fiction alike and to talk about recent events and history, I also need somebody to rant to, because these days my only companion is paper. I am feeling more lost as days go by, it’s like a two-way mindset of mine, I will look at the calendar or date and be like “Oh dear I need to study” and then sudden anxiety will take over me and I would step the rest of the half hour pacing my room then my thoughts would be like “I need to take care of myself first otherwise I wouldn’t be able to study or do anything” and everyday is like a constant battle between these two fronts of my mind, productive and procrastination( more appropriately relaxing myself) and add anxiety in middle somewhere.
All this time inside my home with my family is making me look at things I don’t want to yet, because I want to be ready and mentally headstrong when I deal with my family’s shortcomings but I am really unstable and kind of numb these days; however the faulty behavior of my siblings and some words from my parents are cutting deep, I am not ready to tackle my family into some reinvention yet and my frown just gets deeper and deeper.