What my family thinks of me in Maze of my mind

I am trying, I try to be better that is the thought I wake up with on good days, but there are bad days as well. For everybody like me, I get hit by anxiety and depression bouts. Sometimes I want to lay in bed all day, sometimes I will pace my room; I will cry out my eyes and at other times bottle everything up and become bitter. Papa no I am not being lazy, I just don’t know how to get up from bed, I don’t want to cause I can’t. I feel drained. Amma I am not ignoring my family, I just need some time, to recharge myself, to gather willpower. Willpower to get up and go about the day, strength to silently do all the chores, patience to be quiet and calm. I am not ignoring my chores, I am not being lazy, I am not being a brat, I am not being selfish; please understand I am not doing this on purpose, I can’t make myself do anything for the time being that is why I am not doing anything, that is why I am lying on bed for most of the day, that is why I am staring out of the window, that is why I keep the lights off, that is why I listen to music most of the times, because amma , papa I have to, I can’t make myself do anything else, this is the only way I live with it, I need time to myself to gather strength and courage, sometimes it may be hours, please be patient with me. Please sister, please understand. Please, papa, amma I beg you please understand .