So, I’ve been having intense and worsening nightmares this entire month. So far 11 nights of nightmares. Really intense, mostly violent and humiliating and disturbing. None of which I wanted to share here because they were that bad. Seriously. Like… they’ve been impacting my ability to sleep because my body, while tired, doesn’t want to go through the nightmare world anymore.
I decided to write this because… I wanted to demonstrate what I’ve been going through each night but mostly? This was the kindest dream I’ve had in 11 nights. While it is still a nightmare; at least I wasn’t dead by the end of it and at least when I woke up I had an erection. Considering my nocturnal cinematic horrors of late… this almost qualifies as a really good dream comparatively.
It started with me coming to. I had no idea where I was; but I knew that I had been severely beaten (my body in pain and quite clearly bruised and bloodied) and transported somewhere. No idea how, or why, or by whom. Just… woke up, understood I’d been incredibly beaten and taken somewhere. The next thing I noticed, as I was starting to assess my surroundings; was that I was tied down to a bed in thick red rope. Hands tied over my head; torso wrapped; legs wrapped (but together). It was very much the “tied to the bed” of a hostage and not the “tied to the bed” of a fun sexually kinky evening. That being said? Suddenly two people burst into the room.
But it wasn’t “two people burst in to yell or assault”. It was two people making out heavily that seemed to simply be looking for a bed to use. Unfortunately for me, the one I was tied to was the one they decided to use. They didn’t even realize I was there at first. They’re into each other, clothes start flying, he inserts himself into her and she starts saying “Do you want to kiss my neck?” To which I respond, “I would if I could reach.” Instead of shock or surprise, she reacts with anger and disgust. Accusing me of being some voyeuristic pervert. When she sees that I don’t make a move to leave, and sees the pain in my eyes at her mean words, she just keeps going. While her man is pistoning into her, between moans she spits hate and anger towards me. And as she sees that my own pants begin to tent with my erection building; she goes deeply personal. A long stream of “You could never please a woman. Nobody would ever want you. You’re a disgusting freak with nothing to offer.” Things of that nature. On and on and on. All while moaning and having sex with another man. Towards the end, this woman actually removed my erection from my trousers and said, “At least it doesn’t look like some diseased stubby little nothing.”
And then I woke up. And in my month of nightmares so far… that nightmare has been the kindest, least scary, least upsetting. So… that’s where I am right now.