I signed up for Better Help again. I’m… sick of the recurring nightmares that only seem to be getting worse. I’m sick of the lack of sleep. The loneliness. The trying to figure out why, apparently, loving me is so difficult… why a physical relationship with me is so undesirable. But mostly… I am sick of it impacting my work. My motivation and Give A Fuck have been running on empty more and more through COVID and it has been at E for about two weeks now.
Something’s gotta give. And since hugs and social distractions are still off the table (despite Iowa’s official insanity to lift all restrictions despite our numbers STILL going up)… since dating or fucking around is completely impossible for me apparently… since when I can sleep, my slumber is filled with nightmares and yet when I am awake, I am just so tired… I had to do something. It isn’t ideal but… nothing in this world is.