What should she do? in just testing

  • April 23, 2020, 8:28 a.m.
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Welp, my mom’s visit wasn’t the love fest I was hoping.

Before my mom arrived at my sisters house, my sister was venting about the asshole.

Basically my sister has had a routine for a while where her and Emma do “school work” first thing in the morning after breakfast. They basically do as much as she can handle until 11am and then they do whatever for the rest of the day.

The asshole is also home in the mornings, he goes into the restaurant for lunch orders and stays till about 6/7 pm. He considers anytime he’s home “daddy / daughter time” and he doesn’t like it taken up by school.

So first off, my sister was making apple pie Belgium waffles (YUM) for breakfast but the asshole walks in (cause he doesn’t sleep at home) with breakfast sandwiches for him and Emma - not my sister. So my sister was mad like, he knows she makes breakfast most mornings so why bring stuff in and not even warn her.
He was kinda like , oh well. He like to do these little things to piss her off.

He does this for breakfast and dinner randomly. He’ll just bring stuff home and not tell my sister to not cook.

AND since Emma is always trying to be on daddy’s side cause she hardly sees him, she of course only wanted the sandwich.

It’s small but it’s so fucking annoying. And sad that Emma has to mimick daddy to stay on his good side.

THEN when it was school time, Emma was having fits and not wanting to do her work. So my sister was like “no TV cause you’re not behaving” so the asshole turns the TV on and to cartoons to distract Emma.

Then Emma of course goes to daddy about how she doesn’t want to do school work and he said “you don’t have to do school work when daddy’s home” and so he put Emma on his shoulders and started wrestling with Emma while my sister was trying to get Emma to come back to her desk for school work. Emma was ignoring her because he was and there’s nothing my sister can do against him.

Like WHAT THE FUCK

After he left and my sister wanted to go back to school work Emma said “daddy says I don’t have to” AND SPIT IN MY SISTERS FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want him dead. So dead. I HATE him so much - but not half as much as my sister does.

SO ANYWAY my sister tells us (me and my mom) this whole story and my mom starts in on my sister saying that Emma does whatever she wants because she knows mommy is subservient to daddy. Which set my sister off on a long rant about how no one is in her home to know what goes on and she is trying to do what’s best for Emma and just ugh.

My mom is never on her side, she literally think’s my sister is a spineless jellyfish when it comes to her husband.

Even I was kinda like, why didn’t you leave the room? Which isn’t helpful but everyone is so frustrated with them both and I don’t get why the lesson couldn’t have been moved to a room without TV.

So then my sister was texting me saying she wished she never invited my mom over and she texted me after my mom had left saying Emma had fits all damn day. The whole energy was just off cause of him and really no one had a good time and it was a good choice that I didn’t come over.

There’s even more that he’s done, annoying shit I can’t even get in to.

Basically we told my sister to tell the lawyer all the ways he’s hindering Emma just by being in the house but she said the lawyer doesn’t care. The lawyer doesn’t want to hear these little spats. And as long as Emma is clean and fed and not being beaten the court isn’t going to care either that he didn’t let Emma do school work.

There’s just too much for the courts to do to care and the lawyer said you’re literally running up your bill “complaining” to be about how you and your husband can’t get along and there’s nothing I can do so you shouldn’t email me so much. In more professional wording.

I don’t know what I would do in her shoes. I don’t know. My mom wants my sister to go toe to toe with the asshole on everything he does wrong, knowing that it will lead to screaming matches in front of Emma.

My sister is a less aggressive than the asshole is but only because she doesn’t want to fight in front of Emma. Meanwhile he doesn’t care and will scream at my sister (and at Emma) over anything. My sister doesn’t retaliate to kinda keep the peace and to look like the “better parent” in the end but my mom finds that weak and really kinda hates my sister for it.

I shouldn’t say that my mom hates my sister but she really does look down on her and thinks she’s handling everything wrong.

My sister wants to look back and not be ashamed of how she handled this divorce, meanwhile the asshole doesn’t care and curses and screams and will still get partial custody of Emma just for his slut and mom to raise her.

I just don’t understand all this. But I know it would be better for my sister if her and my mom were a united front but I don’t know how that’s going to happen.

I wonder what my mom would do in my sister’s shoes. I only remember a few fights between my parents and both times my father was yelling at her in another room but obviously I could still hear.

Was that wrong? Am I damaged? Should my sister just stand up to the asshole in front of Emma?

I don’t know.

Then my mom threw my father out but I don’t know when it happened. I might have been at school but my sister was home. But my sister was younger than Emma is now and doesn’t remember anything. Now anything they do Emma will remember. At least snippets of it.

How much yelling should go on in front of Emma? Should she see her mom as a strong woman not afraid of her dad? Or should she just keep her mouth shut while he lays into her weekly?

She can’t step a foot in his room to ply with Emma. He has a screaming meltdown and forces Emma to choose if she wants to play with daddy in daddy’s room or play with mommy. Cause he won’t play with mommy.

That’s so mean and so much pressure. My sister doesn’t make her choose and just leaves the room but then he gets his way and Emma sees it. Is that right? The same thing happens in the back yard. He doesn’t even want my sister sitting outside if that’s where they are playing.

I don’t fucking know.

And thinking about all this just brings me down.

I’m sure it brought down anyone who read it.

And the whole divorce itself is just DRAGGING OUT - they’ve been paying lawyers thousands of dollars for 4 or 5 months now.
They haven’t even had a meeting with a mediator yet.
What about court?

I just want it over but he’s always going to be there. A part of her life. And Emma ADORES him. She adores someone who treats everyone around him like shit. That’s how she believes a man loves a woman. Nice one minute, screaming and dragging you around the next.


EvequeFou April 23, 2020

He just shouldn't be in the house. If they're getting divorced and he's already not sleeping there, why does he still live there? Different rules at mom's house and dad's house are, unfortunately, things kids of divorced parents have to learn to deal with. What they can't deal with is different rules in the same house.

sedentary EvequeFou ⋅ April 23, 2020

We are trying to prove he has another residence but he says he doesn't And sleeps at "friends" but we're know he has another woman on the side and possibly an apartment

lessoff April 23, 2020

they need to not be in the same house together. i know that isnt an option right now. perhaps a written down schedule of who will do what and at what times. your mom needs to butt out. it is not her life. your sister will be able to handle this herself.

sedentary lessoff ⋅ April 23, 2020

Neither one of them want to leave the house, esp. If the other person is asking for it.
Plus my sis doesn't trust her husband alone with Emma because of his temper so she watches.

KPink April 29, 2020

He sounds like a classic narcissist and Emma is a narcissists daughter. Like she is seeking his approval and knows by acting/being like him will gain it.
Is your mom like him too? It sort of seems like it
Then again, I'm immersing myself on this topic, so now everyone seems like one to me now a days.

KPink April 29, 2020

Also, I tend to agree with how your sister is handling it. She should be firm with Emma, but she doesnt have to change her behavior. she is doing what she can, the best she can. it is very hard, and now she doesnt have the support of your mom.
Emma is going through things and acting out too. not an excuse at all, but she is hurting.

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