careful calculation. in a restless heart.

there is so much left undone. and i feel like i've made the right moves to position myself in a place to move forward to conquer some fears (school) and re-establish myself in the world.

i've managed to really isolate myself over the last year. it's something i've never felt before. a combination of a couple friends moving very far away and dealing with a few other stressful things going on.

it's taken me most of this year to try to find my footing and get centered again. some days are better than others. and there are times i find myself drowning in tears, but i can't stay there too long. the pain is too great, and the sense of loss is overwhelming.

i should write about those things, but i'm not sure i could even bear it. bare myself, exposed.

i wish i could write poetry. i wish i could lean on those words to pull me through what hurts. i seem to have abandoned those words-- so long ago.

sigh. just not sure where to go from here in words.

maybe another day.

love, jess.