Entries 272

Page 8 of 11

Plagued by suicidal thoughts today. Not to the point where I will take action, but still plain awful. I feel absolutely tortured. My heart isn't just bruised, it's torn open. I hate myself fo...

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I needed more washing powder the other day, having finally used up the stockpile that M and I had. I grabbed a small box of whatever was on sale, not really paying attention. Took it home and u...

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Back to being angry with M. It's very impractical. I can't do anything about this situation, much to my dismay, but I am still blindly following along, so whingeing about it is fruitless. Slow...

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I went to see Dolly Parton last night with mother, my sister and a friend of mother's. It was a great show, nothing else to report. Packed another box today. Overwhelmed at the sheer volume of...

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Feeling a bit anxious today. It's that feeling that my move is on the horizon. In stark contrast to my previous entry, I am once again looking in M's direction. I wish my emotions could be mor...

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Back to being angry. Furious at how selfish he is. How stupid I feel. Indignant at how he called me "childish" in an earlier argument, yet he behaves like this. I have no compassion left for ...

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Go to work, feel unhappy about being at work. Go to the gym, feel unhappy about being at the gym. Feel hungry and eat, feel unsatisfied. I feel like nobody sees me. I don't exist. My actions...

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I keep forgetting to type up my diary entries. Remind me to do that tomorrow night. I'm in a bad place mentally, and am sick with some sort of sweaty, achy virus.

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Things are happening, you guys. I'm not even really sure to what extent, and what it means for me, but .... It's like I finally see that this IS actually going to happen, and it's going to hap...

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I'm just bored out of my skull today. Endlessly snacking and struggling to maintain my concentration for more than ten minutes at a time. Exam tomorrow. I failed the essay, so it's a very slim...

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I worry about what sort of relationship I will be going back to once I get to the US. My friend said that he was frustrated at M and I because we're both so stubborn. I can agree with that, but...

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Today I feel really, really betrayed by M. I know nothing at all of where me life is going right now, because he doesn't tell me a damn thing. It's like he thinks I am a child, or it's none of ...

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Back to the office today. I heard a rumour that the awful, selfish, arrogant slob secretary has had a few teary moments lately and isn't really happy at work. Not sure how I feel about that. I ...

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Just feeling rotten today. I have started tracking my calories as I am disgusted at the weight I have put back on. Also went for a long walk. It's no wonder I am fat. I was so careful today, ...

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Completed my enrolment for 2014, when I will finish my degree. I really hope that my move won't force a reshuffle. I am ready to finish this thing. Transported my boxes over for storage at my ...

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I am still alive and kicking. Not much to talk about, have a couple of entries in my paper diary to transcribe, but haven't written in a short while. Am tired. Am bored. Am broke.

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Today I had a huge clean out of my room. Packed another two boxes, fitting shoes and blankets around the misshaped Space Bags full of clothes. This week, and onwards, M is only receiving minimu...

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Thanks for the suggestions in my earlier entry. I have a lot to think about. Our relationship is not yet in danger, but it certainly needs a lot more work to get it back to peak. I haven't had...

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Had the WORST night's sleep last night. Am going back to bed shortly, seeing as I have no responsibilities to meet today. I was snooping on M's twitter page just now (which he rarely posts to) ...

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The funeral was this morning. I cried like a baby. Finally got to cuddle my Heslop. His mother was only 60, so young. I still can't believe it. I'm angry with my husband for not communicatin...

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Went to mother's today and cleaned up the yard. Put all the furniture and shit that was out on the grass away. Threw the rubbish onto the ever-growing trash heap. Pulled down the ridiculous "f...

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I've heard nothing from my Heslop. The funeral will be on new year's eve. I have also heard nothing from my husband aside from a "merry christmas". No more, no less. I just feel awful. I ca...

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Christmas was alright. Nothing worth mentioning. Housesitting for my sister again this week. It is a welcome relief because the disorganisation and lack of basic consideration at home is reall...

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I got paid for three weeks today. It's always very exciting, but it has to last me. I have to do a ton of Christmas shopping yet. I am being a nicer person to others, but inside I don't feel g...

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Three more days of work before a two week break. I freaking need it. I'm just bored. I want the break because I am tired, but also because I know it will be a fast two weeks. Then it will be ...

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