Miss Chiffs Manager (One) ⋅ 38 ⋅
Mom! / Biodynamic Urban Farmer / Naturopathic Doctor / Anthroposophist / Mystic / Avid Reader / Writer Extraordinaire / In Pursuit of Moral, Physical, and Intellectual Excellence.
The ending is written into the beginning
Entries 743
Page 6 of 30
We don’t celebrate Halloween We Do celebrate all saints/all souls day. We just carved jack-o’-lanterns and turnip lanterns. Omg they are cute. No, we’re not religious. I just don’t like the...
A moment of Insight in Journal
I felt distress.. isolation… abandonment. I felt frustrated and irritated that my problem seemed to be dismissed and those who were supposed to help were wishing I’d just go away and die alread...
Lucid Dreaming to Meditation in Dreams
I never felt much difference between dreaming and meditation. I’ve had the same experiences in both, or either. Today, though, was the first time that I went consciously from lucid dreaming, t...
How Could I Even in Journal
Begin? Well. I could begin with my newfound GUSHING EXCITEMENT that I have committed - yes, committed - to becoming impeccable I feel like this is one of those things that if you know, you kn...
Jump and the Net will Appear in Meditations
And other lessons Such a long time has gone by since I took a no-holds-back dive into obsessive avoidance patterns. Whew! Was that a ride. I woke to meditate and gain increasing clarity the...
Change Is Two Way in Journal
Oh how I love the honeymoon phase. I don’t remember who coined this phase of change, but it is always best when change is confirmed and, the energy for the next cycle is steadily accumulating. ...
Open, Heart in Journal
My realization yesterday flows into today That when I was small, I became angry. I became angry because I perceived others taking great pleasure in my torment. It was my decision to shut out aw...
Resistance! in Journal
AAAAARRRRRHHHHHGGGGGG I’ve been doing too much! Making boundaries, creating hurdles, armor, obstacles! I want to CONTROL the situation instead of let it FLOW and create harmony through current....
I feel my heart has been gentled right open and everything is allowed in, and out, and it’s just A LOT. It’s a lot but, there is no tension. No strain. No boundaries. My only security is the...
My energy is off the charts. I’m in my feeling body almost all the time. Not that mind and thought doesn’t rear up and take over, but, it’s increasingly obvious, discordant, and easily moved thr...
My Cosmic Tower(s) in Journal
I woke after in Journal
An odd dream in which I was floating on something over the world, which was spread out before me like an intricately designed look-and-feel exhibit. It was so small, and I floated above it as i...
First Impressions in Journal
I felt an awe and spaciousness. A recognition of a Presence which was not a mere presence, but something awesome and not from this place. Something benign and full of a love that transcends spec...
Cosmic Tower in Essays
Ever since I first heard about the Cosmic Tower (CT) a few days ago, it has not left my awareness. I feel giddy with excitement! I feel as if I’ve met my best friend that I didn’t know I had. I...
Orientation in Meditations
I felt a transition, and there was a giant tsunami wave to my right. Like a wall of water. I looked out at the basin-shaped land before me, full of people and their society, and took one step ba...
Playfulness in A Childhood Lost
Has suddenly entered my life. I feel giddy. Smiling like a kid who just found out she could have a horse. Spontaneous joy and giggles erupt for seemingly no reason. I feel joy like it has neve...
The stars at night in Journal
Last night I was drawn to the clear dark sky and, as I stared at Venus, so yellowy-orange and bright, I began to notice at the same time a concentric circular vortex-exactly resembling the subtl...
And present I feel really good Like I have caught hold of something really real and for the first time can trust that it is so. I feel recognition in my body. I am present. I believe my own...
Presence, Trusting, Spontaneous, Creating is what I am assigned to do, in order to move through and heal my wounds of Dissociation, Abandonment, Futility, and Care blackmailing. Ooh. That l...
What is "it"? in A Childhood Lost
I definitely never thought of my mom as a failure. but what was it that she didn’t fail at? Certainly, she never raised me. She never endeavored to care about or for me. She never made it he...
Do I feel? It’s an odd longing. Mixed in with an inability to demand it. I used to feel bad, or guilt, for wanting to feel better. I felt guilt as a matter of self protection. If I had betray...
Some trees in Journal
I’m outside, writing. And I noticed as I look up, the intense aura of these 2 trees across the street. I’m sitting under the blessed pine which is about 3 times the hight of our house and acts l...
My Before & After in Journal
pics always seem to happen after I’ve already started my whatever journey I’m doing. It’s not very scientific of me. But, it does seem to be largely a chronic pattern. In which, I spontaneou...
Resistance and Unexpected Return in Dreams
I was younger - or at least had a younger body- and I entered with some acquaintances a sort of park. It was resigned for young adults. Of which I guess maybe I still am, especially realizing we...
Bombs have been cracking my skill open this week. One after another. Bam. Bam. Bam. Brains on the floor. What if I’m not wrong? For as long as I can recall, I have had a basic and unexamined ...
