Miss Chiffs Manager (One) ⋅ 38 ⋅
Mom! / Biodynamic Urban Farmer / Naturopathic Doctor / Anthroposophist / Mystic / Avid Reader / Writer Extraordinaire / In Pursuit of Moral, Physical, and Intellectual Excellence.
The ending is written into the beginning
Entries 706
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Benefits in A Childhood Lost
Accrue in accordance with the original contractual obligation and no party shall abdicate their contractual obligation without express written permission and agreement from both parties in the fo...
Perhaps it is better that we text. I can read everything and there is hard evidence of what she has said. Yesterday, mom (J) - I’m going to stop calling her mom, she was not and is not a mom, bec...
I was being Groomed in Dreams
In my dream last night, I was me and I was being groomed by my mom (J) in order to attract and win a powerful, affluent man. She was literally grooming- cleaning my ears. She had been cleaning th...
She expects from you in Journal
what you should be getting from her.” DH said to me yesterday. I can’t really explain the level of gratitude, closeness, and affection that I felt for him when he said that. He was really tryin...
Ignorance in A Childhood Lost
I fear and hate it. It is my mother’s most oft used excuse; and she pulls it out in defense of the most heinous crimes. Ignorance, I think, has always been my worst enemy. It’s used to justify ...
Vanity in A Childhood Lost
I exchanged emails with an Aunt recently. I asked her, if she was willing, to share any tidbits about my childhood with me. She responded with one example; she noticed that my parents were exces...
Laying Down a New Foundation in Journal
is really really difficult. I hate my parents for their incredible negligence in preparing me for life. The gulf that I must now cross is immense. It’s a gulf of ignorance. It’s the same gulf th...
Cruel in A Childhood Lost
Cruelty is pleasure in inflicting suffering or inaction towards another’s suffering when a clear remedy is readily available. My therapist brought up this word as a response to more than one stor...
Mom came over in Journal
to pick up her milk bottles. She gave us some extra milk she had 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t seen her since to give them back. She just drove up, left the car running while she came to the door. ...
Love in A Childhood Lost
IFS has been truly transformative. Yesterday, I had 2 IFS sessions. One with my therapist, and one with my peer partner. I worked primarily to transform 3 parts; a little 5 year old girl who want...
Impersonal. in Journal
My old therapist told me that, what my parents did was because of who they are, not because of who I was. I brought this up to my mom. She said, that was one of the biggest lessons she learned f...
Forgiveness in A Childhood Lost
I was talking to a fellow boards member the other day about his father. Obviously, it made me think of my own father. One thing that struck me, was that he hated his time with his father. Ah, I...
I didn't sleep in Journal
last night. I probably got up at least 6 times, although I lost count. I was thinking about my horse, Cloud. The feeling that I was experiencing throughout my pregnancy and postpartum recovery; ...
The feeling I get when I have sadness, grief, anger, or any “negative” emotion is to become anxious and worried about how it will affect those around me. It is an immediate response. Oh no- I’m ...
I talked to DH for almost an hour and he didn’t run away! I feel like we both got to voice our side/opinion and how we felt. The emotions were negative ones, but we both have a lot of negative em...
random survey in Journal
1) What is your biggest fear about making a total commitment to someone? Living up to it 2) Did you accept or deny your last friend request? Deny, probably. I don’t remember but I don’t add many ...
Hate in A Childhood Lost
I don’t remember when it was that I began to hate my dad. I think it was somewhere between 5 and 6 years old. I think it was around then because I can remember as a 5 year old, I was in daycare h...
Yesterday, in Journal
I brought the value argument to DH for how I perceive him. Because of lack of direct communication, I’m forced to merely witness his value system through his actions. He said that he understood. ...
What did I get out of Public School? in A Childhood Lost
I went to my cousin’s kids birthday party this weekend, and it was incredibly sad. Her kids are 6, 8, and 13. The eldest is a very intelligent girl. She’s smart, sociable, affable, funny, and ve...
Exercise 1: Faults in Journal
Always I am cognizant and critical of others’ faults. I continually scan people for their faults, and ignore or take for granted their positive aspects and virtues. It would seem to me that I reg...
Facebook in A Childhood Lost
It triggers a part in me that needs to be Heard. Hear me, dammit! I AM a person! I HAVE a voice! I exist. I spoke with that part today. She was 2 years old. Just 2 years old. A small, angry ball...
Narcissist? in Journal
So I decided to tell my therapist about my mom today. I really like my therapist because she is level headed and, I think, very objective. I told her that I’m not looking to be ‘supported’, but r...
Am I Insane? in Journal
Sometimes I really do wonder. I know they say that if you can ask that question, you’re not insane. But then I wonder if they say that as a consolation for the insane. After all, the insane are...
Loneliness, My Oldest Friend. in Journal
You comfort me and hold me while I have no one else. You’re here with me even others are close. You guard me against their efforts to come between us. You are a jealous friend; never letting me l...
How *Not* to RTR in Journal
How not to talk to your loved ones, rule #1; Tell them what to do! Yes indeed, tell them that you know exactly what they’re doing wrong, and try to control the situation. It always ends in disast...
