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Page 91 of 139

1.) I believe you that you’re into wind power but you’re probably not its biggest fan. 2.) A working-class gyro is something to eat. A working-class gyro is something to eat. 3.) Everytime I see ...

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1.) Better over the hill than under it. 2.) Nobody’s going for my pitch on a crochet shop/hair salon called “Hookers And Blow”. 3.) There was a huge argument over how to light the scene but event...

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1.) I just want a killer ape to go loose at a tech expo and some developer screaming “You wanted a killer APP?” as he’s clawed to death. 2.) A Star Wars parody of “Chantilly Lace” about Antilles,...

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1.) Physician, heal thyself. Surgeon, suit yourself. 2.) We’re all shape-shifters. It’s just that we don’t have any control over it and it takes months and years to do. 3.) If you think it is fre...

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1.) Okay but I can totally multitask. I’ll light a candle AND curse the darkness at the same time. It’s like a two-fer. 2.) Scratchin’ a good kittums named Felix is the best fidget toy of all. 3....

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1.) Your metal album all about incoherent conspiracy theories will be called “Erich Von Dokken”. 2.) Fan-fiction where the original four-armed evil Grimace takes over and rules McDonaldland with ...

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1.) The dog is burying bones that they may be found by future barkyologists. 2.) If Willy Wonka had owned a soup factory, we could’a called it “Who Wants To Be A Bouillon Heir?” 3.) Oh, so they c...

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1.) Make America Eat Again. 2.) I’VE GOT TWO TICKETS TO PARADISE, PACK YOUR BAGS WITH CHICKEN ICE. 3.) There is a Deep State but it’s not what you think. It is an army of two million Deep Roy clo...

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1.) The brother of the guy who invented Ben-Gay felt like a loser in comparison but worse everyone kept rubbing it in. 2.) Whenever they say “the world is your oyster!” I think “oh great, snot in...

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1.) Overcharging woodworkers is gouge-pricing. 2.) Kenny G isn’t descended from the British Isles so he can’t be an Anglo Saxin’. 3.) She ate all of the s’mores, she was on a grahampage. 4.) The ...

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1.) The app for hobos dating hobos is called Bindlr. 2.) Allegiance to an ism or a movement or a person is missing the point. Whatever does the most good, mitigates the most suffering, is my fait...

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1.) That scene where Frankenstein builds the monster’s neck, it’s just riveting. 2.) (tune of Imagine Dragons RADIOACTIVE) welcome to gnu age/to gnu age/whoa/whoa/the great space coaster/the grea...

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1.) Why would any game call it “Detect Magic” when you could call it “Spell Check”? 2.) Hope is a fundamentally liminal endeavour. Lust, greed, desire are all about wanting stuff you can see. Hop...

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1.) Pumpkin Spice Rice Krispie Treats are a way for the cereal company to say “Maybe this society isn’t worth saving.” 2.) The pianist could only mutter “every good boy deserves fudge” over and o...

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1.) Maybe something wonderful will happen tomorrow and change the whole score. It’s why I wake up the next day, that hope. 2.) “The Year of The Cat” and “You’re So Vain” mash-up perfectly but it’...

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1.) Lot picked up the salty remains of his wife, turned to his friend whose wife had transformed too and yelled “PILLAR FIGHT!” 2.) One of the worst things about humans is that when we’re an expe...

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1.) This nightmare was, honestly, a six hour mix of gag reels and fake trailers inserted into a re-release of Star Wars. What the hell, brain. 2.) Let’s not have another straight white male presi...

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1.) If 311 is still a band and one of them quits, they should have to tour as 310. 2.) In a hundred years they’ll be able to resurrect a simulacra of your consciousness from your Tweet history &a...

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1.) WEIRD FACT: Sting was ultimately the least interesting thing in DUNE. 2.) They knew EXACTLY what they were doing when they called those toys “Monster In My Pocket”. 3.) I’d wear a shirt with ...

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1.) Thick. Broke. Resurgent. 2.) Sometimes the awful of the world overwhelms you and you just have to watch people make candy on youtube for three hours. 3.) Call your video “Tap For Sound” and e...

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1.) If I was going to pretend I invented duct tape, that would be my story and I’d be sticking to it. 2.) Superstitiously, I ask you: are there amends I haven’t made, karma or curse upon me that ...

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1.) The symbol for “hurricane” on a lot of weather reports looks like a fidget spinner and, I dunno, it seemed worth noting. 2.) Psychological self-care is almost impossible when the daily news i...

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1.) If you sell acid on tabs, are you pushing paper? 2.) Sometimes even the best Italian chefs can suffer from Impasta Syndrome. 3.) In dealings with Vikings, don’t take any Wotan nickels. 4.) I’...

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1.) I was hoping there’d be a McDonalds/IT tie-in themed around the phrase “We All Bloat Down Here”. 2.) A stalwart Twitter user, a meme-and-potatoes kinda dude. 3.) Does the winner of the fake b...

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1.) It’ll never come to you all at once, it would overwhelm you even if you got what you wanted. But in little drips, here & there, it’ll come. 2.) We really lost something when we started go...

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