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1.) I enjoy the fact that the guy who rapped PARENTS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND has a son who communicates solely in new-age gibberish. 2.) I kinda want to learn what “Peppa Pig” is so I can write a p...

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1.) How I never wrote a parody of “Cumbersome” about cummerbunds is beyond me too. 2.) In comics, has there been a really mellow viking with freezing powers called Chillaxe yet? 3.) Upon meeting ...

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1.) At this point, I’d go for a rule in baseball where if you get nine strikeouts, you lose no matter how much you’re winning by or when. 2.) I like the idea of God as an inactive force in all th...

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1.) I confuse Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out and Sixth Avenue Heartache on a pretty consistent basis. 2.) As long as we hide the sins of the powerful, the cruel will do anything to get to that place &am...

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1.) Your metal band will be called Dumlaut with an umlaut over each instance of the letter “u”. 2.) Remember, these Nazis don’t care if they’re known to be hateful or stupid as long as they feel ...

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1.) More than anything, IKEA sells the illusion that building your own stuff poorly is better than paying a little extra to have it done right. 2.) At this point in the Trump junta, we’re only al...

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1.) Move over, mad scientists, there’s a mad vintner in THE ISLAND OF DR. MERLOT. 2.) Power your starship with penicillin and Activia, the probiotics and antibiotics annihilating each other to re...

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1.) Teenage frogs dissecting humans in science class. 2.) Beetlejuice, flipping through a Lovecraft novel, laughing his ass off at every other line. 3.) A good thing to do to mess with local Scie...

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1.) Oh man. A parody of “Ebony and Ivory” about apathy and irony would be pretty clutch, if anyone remembered Ebony and Ivory. 2.) You know a frog is into racist conspiracy theories when it croak...

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1.) There WILL be Vegas “Truthers” peddling madness to pretend we don’t need change. The doc about them will be called “Disbelieving Las Vegas”. 2.) Your wrestling/Dr. Who mash-up will be called ...

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1.) The new fad with the kids is getting as many venereal diseases as they can. It’s a burning sensation! 2.) If you watch the prequels imagining Palpatine as Trump and Jill Stein voters collecti...

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1.) Not only is the “DIE HARD is the best Christmas movie” meme annoying as hell but it’s also false. BATMAN RETURNS, c’mon. 2.) Cats and dogs are wonderful because they don’t know the state of t...

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1.) All the ancient men with their pumped up dicks, takin’ pills takin’ pills, boners at a hundred… 2.) Success doesn’t make you a good person. If you succeeded by hurting others, you are bad and...

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1.) “Learn to speak human” I tell the dog “and I can help you better. Doesn’t even have to be English, I speak some French, Pop knows Russian.” 2.) My body itself is a first world problem. Trying...

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1.) No one refers to their disease as “moderate to severe” outside of commercials. Maybe moderate OR severe but never both. 2.) I listen to the late-night paranormal radio shows and think “Ah the...

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1.) Calling “Saranac Thursdays” “the Sarnac Pit” is a very niche-specific joke. 2.) There’s multiple musicals about Jesus being a hippie but none about Jesus being a beatnik, which would really b...

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1.) Sing a Dave Matthews song as a pirate and it sounds like you’re at a pet-related car accident. “Crash into me deer?!” 2.) A badboy tennis star falls in love with his parole officer in COURT A...

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1.) We are one Sunday away from the usurper-in-chief dropping an “uppity” and all hell breaking loose. 2.) If I ever have to amputated, I hope to tattoo black rings and CRAYOLA on it so that it l...

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1.) Carmel Police, arrest this man, he prefers nougat, he wants it pretzel-filled, he wants some sea salt on it… this is what you get, this is what you get, this is what you get and it’s packed w...

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1.) Whenever people talk about safe sex I always hear Marge Simpson saying “Lisa Needs Braces!” & Lenny saying “Dental Dam!” over & over again. 2.) My pitch for a funeral home sitcom is j...

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1.) It’s ALMOST like Putin’s fake president will do anything to insult a woman or black man of power & accomplishment. 2.) “Political correctness is killing comedy!” Or… maybe if you can’t be...

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1.) Jockeys often win races using stall tactics. 2.) singing “It was called America Dad… about as funny as gettin’ punched in the face… woo-ooo…“ 3.) The jackoffs in the pick-up flying a Confeder...

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1.) Would a zombie that’s yawning all the time be a necroleptic? 2.) 14 lines of “gotta go fast, gotta go fast” would be Sonnet The Hedgehog. 3.) If you do an internet show about cattle farming a...

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1.) The idea that if we just sat down and made friends with Nazi Germany, they’d’ve stopped, is as ridiculous as staying that with the KKK. 2.) I respect gluten-phobes for going against the grain...

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1.) Go around with paint and make all the garage sales RAGE SALES. 2.) Have people sing “rabies face, he’s got the cutest little rabies face” then eat an Alka Seltzer and run into the crowd screa...

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