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Page 78 of 142

1.) Morning talk radio was never very good but now it’s invariably just two jack-offs and one jill-off laughing at themselves as they summarize the “wacky” stories on social media three days prev...

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1.) And then there is of course Slanderman who terrorizes the internet by intentionally confusing libel and slander, driving word sticklers up a goddamn wall. 2.) Am I singing a version of Anthra...

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1.) Fire departments are another piece of evidence that mixed-model economics works, that necessary services like fire, roads, schools, police, utilities, military & medicine need to be publi...

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1.) I hate that risotto balls are called “Arancini” because “risotto balls” would be a great insult if only the phrase were more popular. 2.) Whenever possible, intentionally misspell “Bulgaria” ...

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1.) “I’m not saying I’m a genius or that I have all the answers,” said the wise but humble veteran proctologist, “but I can tell you that in my day I’ve seen some shit.” 2.) Remember: the most an...

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1.) Your nerdy BBQ sauce will be called Magic The Slathering. 2.) We’re not saying we’re SURPRISED its showing in Northern NY in November, we’re just starting that it is terrible that it is, whic...

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1.) Eventually The Thing’s marriage fell apart, eventually she started taking him for granite. 2.) He doesn’t like being called a “Brony” he prefers to say he’s “looking for a stable relationship...

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1.) Current song I sing to Ollie the dog: a version of Eleanor Rigby called “Oliver Fatty”. 2.) Distance from information on the instant is a rare and precious commodity these days. 3.) Call you...

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1.) Low-carb “pizza” snack: pepperoni sticks, string cheese, low-sodium V8. This is my life now. 2.) We’ve whittled down the American dream to “not dying homeless”. It’s a hell of a thing and it ...

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1.) Low-Carb Lifestyle Lifehack: frizzled onions don’t just have to go on green bean cassarole. Eat ‘em like chips, if you’re desperate enough! 2.) Tomorrow: the last day of calls and texts by po...

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1.) One of the secret ingredients in Gandalf’s pipe-weed blend is elvish parsley. 2.) People these days will get all hot and bothered over sexy Draculas or sexy Wolfmen but almost no one will put...

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1.) Freudy Krueger… he’ll analyze your dreams TO DEATH. 2.) I’m just a somewhat fat guy, looking into a mirror and singing “GET UP, c’mon GET DOWN WITH MY THICKNESS, GET UP c’mon GET DOWN WITH MY...

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1.) Why billionaires waste their fortunes on political grudges instead of, like, paying to have the Dudley Moore film ARTHUR remade with the characters from the PBS kids show ARTHUR is beyond me....

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1.) I wonder how many people tried smoking actual bath salts when they heard of drugs colloquially called “bath salts” and I wonder how it worked out for them. 2.) Sometimes I think Ollie doesn’t...

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1.) In mourning, time loses meaning or at least its passage does. Holidays become mere changes in the decoration, seasons become mere changes in the weather. Mourning is an alternately sorrowful ...

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1.) If you must make a movie about a serial killer at a ren faire, the only acceptable title is THE TEXAS CHAINMAIL MASSACRE. 2.) Your film about a ghost taking over a cop’s body to solve its own...

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1.) One of the fundamental moves in Red Square Dancing is the do-si-dosvedanya. “Now take your comrade, do-si-dosvedanya and then pravdanade!” 2.) Sometimes I feel like a boxfan set in opposition...

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1.) If you post a lot of selfies to instagram because you’re insecure, is that instacurity? 2.) I’ve been singing the Fox Sports fanfare to Ollie “Litt-le DOG, Litt-le DOGGG, Litt-le DOG, Litt-le...

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1.) The worst cars, however, get awards from J.D. Weakness. 2.) If the aliens turn out to look like watermelons, I don’t wanna be anywhere near Gallagher the day of first contact. Or, at least, I...

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1.) Those commercials that pretend to end and then come back three or four times are probably effective the first time but after that, they are almost impossibly grating. 2.) McEshers! Where the ...

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1.) I like to believe that the ghosts in Pac-Man are the ghosts of the previously dead Pac-Men and it’s all a metaphor for… something. 2.) Twitter’s toy store is called “LMFAO Schwarz”. 3.) The ...

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1.) Joe Buck pronounces the title of the new Harry Potter movie like he is about to puke saying it. 2.) Sometimes you lose faith. Sometimes you say “there is no way reality-competition shows coul...

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1.) REAL TALK: the third Stooge was always the same character, he was just a timelord that regenerated between Curly/Shemp/Curly Joe/etc. 2.) Your band that covers terrible late 90s/early 00s rap...

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1.) The only good thing about “Saw” was imagining all horror movie titles in the past tense. “Nightmares That Occured On Elm Street”. “Child Played”. “Screamed”. 2.) Most of the time, yes, saying...

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1.) Difficult watching Dr. Who without my pop tonight. Had to tap out, do some cleaning to try and pull myself together. 2.) I feel like Equestrian events would be 500% more popular if they were ...

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