Entries 3,460
Page 56 of 139
mar 10
Knowing he would some day inherit the family’s shredded cheese fortune, he was a man of grate expectations. I wonder if one of those loan-bundling scam houses has ever tried to license the Da...
mar 9
The Kool-Aid Man bursts through the wall at Jonestown, moments after the act, horrified, realizes what he indirectly has wrought and simply gasps “Oh no…” Yes I was singing a version of Copa ...
mar 8
Would be messiahs tend to just get good men killed and bad men into a killing mood. Who taught the Duke’s son to wear his snowsuit fitted in the lake effect fashion? I am so tired of having...
mar 7
A great name for an elderly rapper would be Large Type. A program to encourage young people to go into the sciences so they can work in the growing legal marijuana industry called STEM & ...
mar 6
I feel like there would be a pretty tight skeleton of a hip-pop or techno song built around chopping up and repeating the little “you lose” horn jingle from THE PRICE IS RIGHT. Getting sued b...
mar 5
Ollie calls the garbagemen “leftovers thieves”. This is the only one of his barks I’ve been able to translate but it is glaringly obvious. Let’s re-make the Stallone arm-wrestling film OVER T...
mar 4
Your film about the rivalry between an established demon and a young gifted upstart demon will be called “Asmodeus”. You could do worse than a Queen parody about ridiculous conspiracy theorie...
mar 3
“I love your decorated recycling bin!” “Thanks, yeah, it’s a nice conservation piece. “ I’m not good at tabletop roleplaying yet but I did put a bunch of angry bees to sleep with fog cloud so...
mar 2
Everyone thinks they are the exception, their family is the exception, their social group is their exception, their generation is the exception. One of the maddening things about how short a hu...
mar 1
Don Quixote wasn’t a tragic hero, he was a melodramatic idiot, pornsick on poorly written chivalric pennypress trash and he brought disaster wherever he went. He was a negative example. “Perf...
leap barrage
Eventually, they stopped investigating her being run over by a reindeer, the police declaring it a cold case. In Florida, the jingle goes “and like a good neighbor, Snake Farm is there.” “...
feb 28
Do European retro gamers call the monsters in KID ICARUS “Aubergine Wizards” just to be contrary? Swap the lyrics of two songs w/ the same title & make it work. “Somebody That I Used To K...
feb 27
You have been under the mistaken impression that Mario is his first name. Mario is his last name. His full name is Itsame Mario. If archaic slang for a handgun is a “heater” then we can total...
feb 26
I’ll never understand the men who are thrilled by a woman’s beauty but intimidated by her intellect. Myself, I am enthralled enchanted revel in intellect but end up a coward, intimidated by bea...
feb 25
A good way to get a baseball pun into your D&D game is naming an NPC “Feylord Gary”. A mandela effect where you remember it being called the mandala effect first, before the sands of caus...
feb 24
I couldn’t get through more than 20 minutes of Picard (not awful, just boring) so a question: did they explain WHY they needed the labour of the Data-lite droids? Even for hazardous labour, lik...
feb 23
Self-care is a way of proactively caring for those around you. If Michael Richards went vegan, he would be non-dairy Kramer. When Popeye butt-chugged to gain extra power, it was crammed spi...
feb 22
Every two months, we should just get a mandatory four-day weekend that involves a 32-hour “healing coma” where we just get knocked out at midnight and wake up, eight AM two days later, actually...
feb 21
As they say, build a new fake name for the next full moon and Facebook memes will beat a path to your door. Your album of shoegaze covers of children’s songs will be called My Buddy Valentine...
feb 20
If you shorten “birthday” to “b-day” just remember that out loud it will sound like “bidet”. I guess I’ve built parodies around less than hearing “the sutures were wide open” in a Tom Petty s...
feb 19
Whenever a youtuber says “links in the description” I hope there’s gonna be a big ol’ picture of a lynx and they always let me down. Maybe the problem with 21 Pilots is maybe that’s not enoug...
feb 18
When they say “bear witness” they really mean it, you bear it. You are burdened with knowledge, your shoulders sag under the weight of experience. You grit your teeth and heft anyway. A Stone...
feb 17
Is a sorcerer that officiates marriages a “wedlock”? A movie called ACTUAL EMPIRE RECORDS about the music section on the PX on the under-construction Death Star and instead of Rex Manning Day...
feb 16
The old urban legend that some bubble gum had spider eggs is a hell of a platform for a parody of that Gwen Stefani song “Spider Webs”. When global warming floods the coastal states, will we ...
feb 15
“Things haven’t made sense in a long time,” he said. “That’s okay,” she replied, “they never made sense, that was just a veil lifted from before your eyes.” “Oh.” Ships are only worthwhile if...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
