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Page 49 of 139

When I was a boy, my Dad was on city council. When he questioned why a town of 4500 spent so much on police, he was framed for selling liquor to a minor, charges only dropped when he promised n...

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Chuck E Cheese never had a fortune teller character named “Medium Pepperoni” and that’s why they can’t afford to have animatronics anymore. Animal feed differs from farm to farm. Your silage ...

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June 6th 1944, a world coalition of anti-fascists stormed Normandy’s shores, risking their lives against the guns’ roars, we can do it again, we have done it before. If nothing else, this pro...

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Someday, whenever Ric Flair passes away, will his ghost go “Wooooo!” like every other ghost or will part of his eternal reward be escape from his catchphrase? I’m still disappointed that FULL...

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If you combine three words with two & signs, that’s an ampersandwich. Everything going on in America right now, you’d think it was cursed because it was built on an ancient Native America...

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At this point, the best we can hope for is that when future civilizations/aliens pick through the ruins of our civilization and try to reconstruct our culture, they’ll confuse and conflate Forr...

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The sign “NO HORSEPLAY IN THE POOL” meant their hopes for a summer production of Equus were pre-emptively dashed. It is not entirely out of the realm of possibility that there used to be a mo...

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I like trying to convince people that “Chachi” is some other country’s word for “vagina” so they thought the show was about a lesbian named Joanie. Now I just wanna write a parody of Day-Oh a...

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In my sleep, these parody lyrics of Slip Slidin’ Away came to me: “I knew a man, he came from Gothamtown, he showed his passion off for justice in a war with clowns”. A mob forms in front of ...

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You know, I don’t think Dave Grohl wants or needs Mr. T’s pity. In Britain, do they call large garages for trucks “lorry holes”? A newsletter for Disney fanatics should be called “The Walt ...

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The problem with idealists is that unless they have their ideal, and immediately, they will tear down any progress for the sin of falling short of their goal. Ideals are wonderful for inspirati...

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Freedom Patriots (TM) where are you with your make-you-feel-like-a-big-man murder sticks you’re so proud of, when police are attacking protestors in the streets? I thought you were all Don’t Tr...

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Rome burns while Nero golfs. An Uptown Funk/Rammstein mash-up involving the line “Du hast? Hast damn.” I could not care less about some rich jerk piggybacking his billionaire space vanity p...

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How Hanna-Barbera hasn’t sold the idea of “Captain Craveman” to some fast food joint, I will never know. The tabletop RPG for roleplaying as a member of my family will be called Hoarders &...

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How are we going to break it to the Spice Girls that what we want, what we really really want is for ALF to come back, in POG form? Your chiptune DJ name will be “Christopher Walkman”. The ...

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Create an imaginary form of Italian line-dancing and declare yourself “Lord of the Danza”. Sometimes I want to write a story about the Norfolk City Hall trying to put up the Ten Commandments ...

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If we could take the irrational hatred of Andy Cuomo by rednecks and fringe-lefties alike in New York State and just somehow transfer it to Rivers Cuomo, we may still yet find an end to the sco...

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I feel like we could really make some cynical money selling “Placename Strong” tee-shirts. All the petty little prepper power fantasies dissolve like candyfloss in rainstorm when faced with a...

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They’re exactly like Lunchables except Mitch McConnell’s face is printed on every cracker and they’re just called Punchables. Two aging disgraced bumbling cops take over security at a trendy ...

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I hope Elton John and Billy Joel have a falling out and Elton writes a diss track called POCKET MAN about how Billy is so tiny he can keep him in his pants with his wallet and cellphone. If y...

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To humanize Tom Brady only brings the human race down further, it does the rich little privilege machine manlet no favours. In an all-fat-guy KISS cover band, I claim the nom-de-stage “Peter ...

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Don’t call them “dog breeders” they prefer the term “red rocket scientists”. I sure hope that Larry the Cable Guy’s tailor is called Cary the Label Guy. Wanting the world to be a better pla...

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You gotta play reverse psychology games with the universe sometimes, I think. Call your experimental aircraft “the Hubris”. Dare the gods to look too on-the-nose. This Grimes/Musk thing will ...

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You don’t get many chances to say “we took this haunted house and made it a haunted home” but when you do, you have to take it. The current Song For Ollie is to a Rolling Stones tune and is s...

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Wishing each other Happy Hondadays is just a small part of the larger War on Chryslermas. A “president” refusing to mask because feigning strength in a time of crisis is more important than l...

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