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1.) Take the old videos for the Harlem Shake meme. Replace the audio track with ambient noise of white people clumsily dancing. 2.) A Southern pirate called Cornbeard The Pirate. 3.) If a dog yea...

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1.) What does not kill you hopefully leaves a cool lookin’ scar that will drive the babes wild. 2.) Jindal’s defaulted to the “spout irresponsible gibberish, hope it gets coverage” Palin/Trump ha...

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1.) Beat someone to death with the world’s largest gummy worm. Eat the worm. Hope the lack of evidence exonerates you. 2.) Creativity is forcing your mind to make the “incorrect” connections, sif...

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1.) When you’re awesome but a little bit broken inside and maybe only the crazy can love you, you still need love. You know? 2.) Even weird lookin’ people, sometimes you catch that one angle wher...

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1.) PAX East: Come for the waiting in line four hours to play a game demo for five minutes, stay for the institutionalized sexism! 2.) Your internet name is “Browses In Private Window”. 3.) Poor ...

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1.) Honestly surprised Thomas’ English Muffins never tried a “Too Many Nooks” thing to be try and be hip. 2.) Two twos, two jokers and a king is the Road House. 3.) I feel like the guy fixing the...

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1.) Some day hipsters will come up here to live cheap. I look forward to people in Mumford & Sons shirts riding tractors ironically. 2.) You know how I’d drive the internet crazy? Make Edward...

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1.) The end of IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE except instead of money, it’s everyone you ever crushed on telling you they liked you back. 2.) Can you imagine how great our country would be if we gave teac...

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1.) I’ve discovered something more annoying than listicles. THINKING you’ve clicked on a listicle & it’s a VIDEO or AUDIO listicle. 2.) The NBA: where players throwing a game is mortal sin bu...

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1.) We have the tech to feed the world w/out working hard so we could all be artsy but non-artsy people jealousy ruin it with money outta spite. 2.) He didn’t like saying he had a “salt and peppe...

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1.) What if you could fly but at a rate no faster than a jog? Normies would be impressed but the other heroes would all laugh at you. 2.) When drinking a Shamrock Shake, pretend it is Hulk blood....

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1.) A cooking competition show where the secret ingredient is revealed as “deez nuts!” and there, under the lid, are the host’s genitals. (read this in a really snooty British accent for maximum ...

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1.) The irony of those Duck Dynasty douches looking and sounding more and more like jihadi Imams every day actively breaks irony. 2.) Turn down for it is expensive to run the furnace all day. Tur...

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1.) Lately I am just, like, 900 pounds of libido in a 350 pound bag which is equally sexy and unsexy as hell. 2.) If Quebec DOES ever secede, we’re renaming Newfoundland “Maine 2: Judgement Mai...

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1.) A country song that shot to the top of the charts quickly is said to be “number one, with a mullet”. 2.) Bill O’Reilly claims Carly Simon wrote a song about him. 3.) Oh man, did you see that ...

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1.) Step 1: go to sleep. Step 2: wake up having lost 100 lbs & having won the lotto. Step 3: go somewhere warm & find someone to love. A plan! 2.) See, being taken down a peg when you h...

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1.) Step One: purchase the domain name “ismarkiepoststillhot.com”… Step Two: ??? … Step Three: PROFIT. 2.) We’re changing the title of the Obituaries section to Thanks For Rockin’ in hopes of a l...

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1.) The five hottest things in the world in descending order are being smart, funny, able to sing, tall & being a millionaire celebrity chef. 2.) (The descent into madness will be expressed ...

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…OR THE ARTIST’S DECLINE INTO MADNESS… 1.) The ‘15 Oscars lasted so goddamn long that at the end they started the ‘16 Oscars. NO MORE TIME TO MAKE MOVIES, JUST OSCARS. 2.) We’ll be The Experts....

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1.) Parody of “The Sweater Song” about The Shredder? 2.) Tonight, from now on, we are throwing out all the rules other than being humane. As long as you are humane, anything goes. 3.) Your next b...

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1.) If you do good things to be righteous or noticed or get something out of it, you’re doing it wrong. Do good things to be kind. 2.) The term for the pointlessly grim and gritty “grimdark” need...

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1.) Still, no one has made a video for “Bulls On Parade” that is about an actual parade of 500 Bull Shannons from “Night Court”. 2.) Let’s just have an adventure, like the Goonies, you guys, exce...

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1.) Somewhere at the end of this interminable winter, there is spring coming. There is a sun, I swear to God. Start planting seeds. 2.) Would you rather be great at your passion but never receive...

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1.) The quick brown fox jumped over a dog he considered lazy because of his class privilege. “Soon,” thought the dog, “revolution”. 2.) The world’s most popular daytime talk show would be called ...

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1.) Why don’t we have Back To The Future parties on Fat Tuesday? WHY DON’T WE CALL IT MARTY GRAS? 2.) When Qui-Gon died, he went to an endless hell of continuously kidnapped children for the sin ...

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