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1.) The Binge Eating Disorder ad and the Taco Bell Quesdadadildo commercial back-to-back was a weird touch, Comedy Central. 2.) The worst thing about full marijuana legalization will be around ta...

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1.) Sure, you were a pioneer in nuclear physics but what have you done, Fermi, lately? 2.) You always hear about imitation crab meat but you never hear about mocktopus. 3.) Breakfast of champions...

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1.) Still disappointed Lucas didn’t pop a “But this is how it actually happened! I have psychic visions of a fantastic past!” defense of the prequels. 2.) When you try to divide a number of panti...

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1.) Dear Viagra, we have an election that feels like it has lasted six years or longer, should we immediately seek help? 2.) Brian Eno’s contributions to progressive rock will be dwarfed by his c...

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1.) Howard Hughes let his fame and fortune trap him in a prison of solitary refinement. 2.) Some of us state the obvious, some of us state the spontaneous, others of us state the obfuscation and ...

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1.) Don’t be an aggregator, be an aggravator. 2.) These people on youtube are always looking for subscribes but they never ask for domscribes. They’d get more action if they were versatile! 3.) H...

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1.) Your chiptune act will be called “Mario Speedwagon”. 2.) Tesla has a car named after him, sure, but died nearly penniless in a small Manhattan apartment that would now be, like, ten grand a m...

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1.) Look SNL if you’re not gonna completely admit you’re terrible at least murder Weekend Update. The Daily Show killed it. Move on. 2.) The fact that there hasn’t been a Weird Al themed riff off...

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1.) I am sick of my beard again. If you are hot for my beard, it is time to compliment it so it does not get murdered tomorrow. 2.) If you can convince a mechanic that your beat-up van can last t...

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1.) I wonder if those bass fishing shows have a casting couch that they cast a line off of then laugh and still demand sex. 2.) I don’t say the Yankees radio personalized home run calls are the c...

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1.) “Well, I don’t understand why I sleep all day and I start to complain when there’s no brains” is a fine start to a zombie song. 2.) If you’re Rob Zombie and you’re gonna have your own line of...

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1.) Some nozzle on MSNBC suggested that people only believe in Sanders in Silver Lake and Williamsburg, dancing around the H-word. 2.) “I’m exhausted” is counter-intuitively polysyllabic consider...

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1.) As a child, they drill in your head how TV cartoons aren’t real, as an adult, you have to pretend TV news is real. 2.) No! Don’t kick out the jams! Where will they sleep? It is very cold out ...

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1.) Drug-fueled handyman stomps animals to death in desperate attempt to impress the ruling class. 2.) A young guy in a dress is told ordered to take an old man’s sword or else things could get d...

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1.) So, I gather from facebook and twitter that it’s good I’ve never even tried to get into the Walking Dead? 2.) The industry of marketing movies to Christians who want to pretend they’re discri...

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1.) Drunken boxing martial arts put the sake in chop-socky. 2.) Close friendship is great but in The New Mutants, Cypher and Warlock were straight-up code-dependent. 3.) It’s probably not a good ...

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1.) Tho the middle-relief & defense are iffy, the major question for the Mets is “Who Is Eric Campbell Blackmailing To Stay In The Majors?” 2.) “To turn it on or off, all you have to do is de...

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1.) Just lost about an hour down the internet-hole learning about late-70s tax-scam album pressings. As you do. 2.) A rhythm-based surgical simulator game would be terrible but I love the idea ho...

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1.) So many writers on my twitter feed going to the AWP Conference, I find myself saying it as a silly word. “awp, awp, awp”. 2.) It’s a shame I don’t know how to use the lines “we love watchin’/...

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1.) Angry Whoppers. ANGRIEST WHOPPERS! FURIOUS TACOS! INCONSOLABLE FRIES! BLOOD-THIRSTY SHAKES! 2.) A version of Batman where the Waynes were murdered in an alley after a screening of ZORRO THE G...

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1.) Only I could feel guilty when I start thinning out my facebook event acceptances to be more budget-realistic. 2.) Charlie Brown grew up to be a successful bereavement councilor, best known fo...

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1.) When people talk about “house flippers” I can’t help but imagine adorable pet dolphins. 2.) Sympathy for the bartender can be expressed as “oh that poor pour man”. 3.) When Grodd closes a doo...

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3.) Maybe it’s not that madness and art are directly linked, it’s more that art is the evolutionary benefit we manifest to mitigate the advantages we lose due to madness. 4.) Let’s work on replac...

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1.) Orange Day 2.) Bachman Turner Comboverdrive 3.) Blink One-Hatey-You 4.) Small Hand Todd And The Monsters 5.) The Jesus And Maria Chainlink Fence 6.) Talking Pumpkins 7.) Sunny Day Real Estat...

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1.) Apparently “wicking your coil” is a vaping term and not like a sex thing? Thanks weird youtube autoplay. Youtube’s teaching me all kinds of stuff about vaping. It seems smoking a fake cigaret...

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