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Page 106 of 139

1.) Do you appreciate the art or do you just aspire to the creator’s lifestyle? 2.) Remember, very few prospectors made money in the Gold Rush, many many people got rich selling picks and whiskey...

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1.) Your Bewitched/Dr. Who fan-fic will explore the idea that Darren was a secret Time Lord, explaining the regeneration. 2.) A dream about failing to prevent the heat death of the multiverse bec...

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1.) Nunsploitation films only sell if the women playing the sisters are conventionally attractive. 2.) I miss when people called their beloveds their “boo” because “bae” doesn’t set up nearly as ...

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1.) I’m surprised no one has tried pyramid scheming out colognes and shaving products under the name “Murray Kay”. 2.) Who would’a thought in 2016 Cracked would be a well-regarded comedy site and...

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1.) True Star Wars fans refer to intoxication as “getting yakfaced”. 2.) E.T. loved Reeses Pieces because of the extra cholesterol. 3.) At the beach, refer to your speedo bulge as your “guypod”. ...

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1.) In case you’ve been living under a rock, technology has advanced, we can now live under a roof. 2.) Tickling yourself is really just laughterbating. 3.) I want a video game about being a fan ...

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1.) Fear, anger & resentment, all sell you the same gas, toothpaste & war. Rational hope, though, is a revolutionary act. Hope is subversive. 2.) He was at the point in the process of fak...

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1.) Selling billboard space on your church is the epitome of cross-promotion. 2.) I demand a movie about an undercover DEA agent called “Raiders of the Lost Narc”. 3.) Scandinavian smut is really...

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1.) Humiliation via humidity is humidiation. 2.) Your survival guide to the Kentucky Derby will be called “Tiptoe Through The Juleps”. 3.) I wonder if there were any unfortunate discount stores t...

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1.) Trucking dispatchers are semi conductors. 2.) Only horror nerds would appreciate an Eminem parody called “My Name Is (Lon Cheney)”. 3.) There’s no hex in the Samhain room. Oh, there’s Samhain...

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1.) The extinction event for dinosaurs was the Velacorapture. 2.) My president-themed death metal band will be called Brutally Honest Abe. 3.) Let’s stop calling it “the gig economy” and call it ...

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1.) Long before the flood is when you have to give a damn. Last-minute damns do nothing. 2.) Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until next year. 3.) Youtube, it is adorable that yo...

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1.) The way Donald Trump makes you feel about politics is how The Big Bang Theory makes me feel about sitcoms. 2.) It’s a game about finding Twitter neologisms and trying to squash them before th...

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1.) The word “Saleabration” displays a shocking ignorance of both what a celebration is and what a sale is. 2.) Your porn parody of “The Fifth Element” will be called “The Filth Element”. 3.) Mas...

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1.) Two frat boys hooking up often ends in a bro job. 2.) Sometimes you see a pic of an ex with her new dude and you’re genuinely happy because he’s fat so that isn’t why she dumped you. 3.) When...

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1.) Your play about Canada will be called The Regina Monologues. 2.) Female Fremen prefer the term “frewomen” you can’t just go around calling them “the spice girls”. 3.) My flagpole toppers stor...

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1.) Listen to the shattered people groan about the shadow people, drones down through the sideways peepholes, conspiracy, conspiracy. 2.) Remember what it says on the New York City bridges: If yo...

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1.) Your Matt Damon/Jeremy Renner slash fic is positively Bournographic. 2.) I sort of get disinterest in your wife’s reality bending magical powers if you’re already something cool like an astro...

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1.) This Lackluster Video WOW What Indifference joke is really really old. 2.) Everyone’s bad at adulting but it’d be funnier if the term were “adultery”. 3.) The beer poops are fecal alcohol syn...

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1.) Crystal Light removed all the taste with most of the calories and in the end was more just Crystal Meh. 2.) I learned how to talk to the owls, that was a hoot. 3.) Cassandra bollocks. What un...

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1.) Sanity, a jigsaw assembled at leisure. Madness, pieces dumped on your head for somebody’s pleasure. 2.) The hospital was pretty nice to give The Joker braces after all the bad things he’d don...

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1.) Toothpaste contains paste but very few teeth. 2.) If you want Greece to pull out of the Euro, that’s fine, but don’t be a drachma queen about it. 3.) Your tanning bed company will be called ...

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1.) The correct response to that old cliche is “I don’t know, there’s a lot of people at this pop stand. That could take a while.” 2.) THE QUEST FOR THE HOLY GRAIL 2: THIS TIME IT’S PERCIVAL 3.) ...

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1.) Logically speaking, “boxing” could well have been called “fisting” and we could’ve had “heavyweight fisting champions”. 2.) It took what felt like forever but their plans for simultaneous org...

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1.) The only way to defeat the mutant conjoined twins in TOTAL RECALL is to cut out the middle man. 2.) If you slip on a trampoline and get a big bloody scuff in the pattern of the trampoline on ...

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