Entries 534
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Confirmed
I haven’t seen or spoken to my mom at all in the last 2 months- since the beginning of September- but 3 times. All 3 times, she has acted incredibly strange. The first time was at my cousin’s b...
Dolls for Boys
Oh my goodness, my son’s waldorf doll just came in the mail and I am In Love with it! It’s just so cozy feeling- stuffed with wool and made with high quality cotton, by hand-! Yes I did splurge o...
Friends
I finally told my best friend about my troubles with my mom. I’ve known my best friend since, well, since forever. She didn’t seem at all surprised when I told her what I was going through. She ...
Grandma K's Funeral
had a very young looking pastor officiating. I honestly didn’t listen to most of it. Holding a squirmy baby, and the immediate monotonous and droning tone he took on at the very start was off put...
Mother
I am constantly thinking about how my life relates to my relationship with my mom. This has become glaringly obvious to me since I read a journal entry from this time last year; “I entered the ...
DH and I
had a few really deep conversations this weekend. One was about privacy. I don’t really understand how people can separate their children from the concept of people. I think it’s one thing if y...
A lot of things on
my mind today. Yesterday was a family get-together with the In-Law side of the family. Mostly it was a very nice, relaxed, fun, and engaging afternoon. There was but one problem. Every time I fe...
I can't believe it, but
the tantrum worked. I’ve got to thank my therapist.
Is it time?
To move on? Yeah, I think it is. I’m not getting anywhere, and it’s all so boring, now. I have the feeling that I have grown past her. I have reached a point of maturity that she never did. I am...
Unreasonable.
“You have unreasonable expectations and you found your out.” she responded to me when I told her that she recently violated both of my requested boundaries. Nothing about “oh, I didn’t realize t...
Tantrum
I talked with my therapist today and, I told her of my worries and issues with my husband. I told her that I feared that his family is taking advantage of him, that he is being used by them for p...
Resigned
I am resigned, I think, to the fact that my mother is incapable of behaving in any reasonable way around me. I decided to lay down just 2 boundaries with her. She mowed over both of them the ver...
Gone
Aunt died yesterday morning.
Death
Yesterday, DH and I drove down to see his Aunt, who is on her deathbed in hospice. The trip was… unsettling. As I suppose, all close encounters with death are. What I found most disturbing abou...
What do I want?
I think about the areas in my life that I am too passive. I am tired of mentally berating my “mother”. I am growing weary of it. Does that mean I am done? Close to done? Perhaps. I think of ever...
Texting
Perhaps it is better that we text. I can read everything and there is hard evidence of what she has said. Yesterday, mom (J) - I’m going to stop calling her mom, she was not and is not a mom, bec...
She expects from you
what you should be getting from her.” DH said to me yesterday. I can’t really explain the level of gratitude, closeness, and affection that I felt for him when he said that. He was really tryin...
Laying Down a New Foundation
is really really difficult. I hate my parents for their incredible negligence in preparing me for life. The gulf that I must now cross is immense. It’s a gulf of ignorance. It’s the same gulf th...
Mom came over
to pick up her milk bottles. She gave us some extra milk she had 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t seen her since to give them back. She just drove up, left the car running while she came to the door. ...
Impersonal.
My old therapist told me that, what my parents did was because of who they are, not because of who I was. I brought this up to my mom. She said, that was one of the biggest lessons she learned f...
I didn't sleep
last night. I probably got up at least 6 times, although I lost count. I was thinking about my horse, Cloud. The feeling that I was experiencing throughout my pregnancy and postpartum recovery; ...
Feeling
The feeling I get when I have sadness, grief, anger, or any “negative” emotion is to become anxious and worried about how it will affect those around me. It is an immediate response. Oh no- I’m ...
Big Day
I talked to DH for almost an hour and he didn’t run away! I feel like we both got to voice our side/opinion and how we felt. The emotions were negative ones, but we both have a lot of negative em...
random survey
1) What is your biggest fear about making a total commitment to someone? Living up to it 2) Did you accept or deny your last friend request? Deny, probably. I don’t remember but I don’t add many ...
Yesterday,
I brought the value argument to DH for how I perceive him. Because of lack of direct communication, I’m forced to merely witness his value system through his actions. He said that he understood. ...
Book Description
Thoughts, and Whatever else.
