Entries 538

Page 17 of 22

I don’t want to be that way. I think that I am finding how to get out of that trap. That tired and bitter mindset which looks at the world with loathing and a “poor me” attitude. It’s an attitudi...

---

I find myself thinking back to who I was 10 or even 5 years ago, and wishing if only I knew then what I know now… where would I be? I wonder. Certainly, not here. All that to say- I bitterly wis...

---

I’ve exchanged email with my Aunt over the last several days. I find myself more and more shocked and appalled. I don’t know why, but I thought that she was different. Just another thing that I ...

---

me yesterday. I want to say “out of the blue”, but we had emailed about having a phone conversation last week. It just didn’t work out. So he called me yesterday evening/afternoon. I felt surpri...

---

gone. It’s gone! I didn’t will it away, or wish it away, or anything like that. I just stood up for myself. I defined my boundaries, and I defended them. Angrily, sure. I defended them with ang...

---

to say. I have been toying with the idea to start a youtube channel. Well. Mostly to publish on it. I already have one. I publish here about a third of what I write, and that’s only lately. I fe...

---

And I commented on a “If you did this then you’re a big fat blank” post. And, it went well. It really did. I can’t help but contrast what happened (internally, for me personally) this time vers...

---

My dad always told me Follow the Money, and that is one of the few things he said that was actually useful. Copied from a friend; Cycle of Civilization - Where We Are Working dudes pay inter...

---

I am a-political. I really don’t care who your guy is or isn’t. The country has gone to shit. But, it’s been circling the drain for awhile now. More, I am saddened by the lack of brotherly love ...

---

just sent me a text that said “I miss my daughter” First time I’ve heard from him since July.

---

Still don’t know what to do. I want so badly for someone to tell me what to do. And it’s not lost on me that, at my most vulnerable, those that respond with advice or edicts are just manipulator...

---

his parents. The long and short of it was; You Are Wrong for having any concerns. We love you but you can’t Judge people. So we’re going to not talk about it and Judge you until you agree with u...

---

Yea, I am lost. I don’t really know what to do. I’ve got this idea that we can be great people. We could be awesome. We should be good. But… I don’t know how. DH is depressed. Idk how I never r...

---

I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I complain about my mother a lot. To myself, mostly. Which is… unproductive. All complaining is unproductive. And it stems from a lack of boundaries. A lac...

---

So I am feeling jaded about continuing on with group therapy. I use that term “group therapy” very loosely, since it’s little more than a book club. It was just nice because it was so laid back a...

---

I don’t want much of anything to do with the in-laws. In any case, they don’t want much of anything to do with me. So… why should I be the one to have to placate and assuage? I got really mad at...

---

I feel really good about where I’m going. Not where I’m at. But… where I’m going is pretty great. I had dreams last night about telling the truth. I kept turning on everyone who was trying to blo...

---

So I sent J (my mom) an email basically telling her to stop with all the shit. Yeah, I was angry. Why? Well. I told her like 3 times that I’m not willing to put up with her projections anymore. ...

---

to the game. Story of my life. I’m a bully. I’m a bitch. I just want to get my way, and am willing to do “whatever works” to get it. Well. That is a slight exaggeration. But mostly true. I fe...

---

So, my mom (J) is insane. I think I kind of already knew that. You know, when you have to survive someone’s parenting, you really get to know them. Probably better than you get to know anyone. ...

---

masks. I was joking with a friend about making a cheesecloth mask the other day- because let’s face it, cloth masks are worse than useless, uncomfortable, increase face touching, collect a lot of...

---

I am sort of… grossed out?… disgusted at myself for some of my past behavior. Not the behavior itself, you see. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect, blah blah. No, what I’m grossed out abo...

---

Mom, I have thought about our conversation- if it can be called that- from Tuesday. Here are some of my musings, First, I think if you were confused or unsure about my preferences, requests or b...

---

about grandparents demanding the time and attention of their grandchildren that strikes me as… vampiric. I told the in-laws that we don’t feel comfortable spending time with the BIL and his BM. ...

---

feelings. I am deeply sad. I have, for the last few months, acted on principle and faith that DH would “do the right thing” and commit himself to our marriage. But.... he hasn’t. I should not ...

---